


Nowhere in the Sea

by bittersweetoranges, Haruhi02



Series: Waves and Stardust [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon-ish, F/M, Fluff, Guess the Pairing, Magic, Magic-Users, Pain, Some other relationships if you squint, Soulmates, conservative first base, endgame pairing is secret, story canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 17:16:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8169701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bittersweetoranges/pseuds/bittersweetoranges, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haruhi02/pseuds/Haruhi02
Summary: There are few things in Hitoka’s life that have stayed long enough to give her happiness, and even fewer that haven't also caused her grief along the way. She’s determined to change the flow of her fate no matter what obstacles bar her way; but at the time, Hitoka just wants to forget it all, curl up, and cry. Will she be able to achieve what she’s sought out for or will it forever be just out of her reach?





	

    Hitoka crouches behind the bushes; sweat drips down her forehead and plops against the watering can pulled close to her chest. Her heart pounds loudly in her ears, and the brambles she grew snake their way around her legs — pricking her skin. From the gap in the leaves she can see a girl holding on to a boy’s sleeve. Hitoka doesn’t know why, but she feels something churn in her stomach as if she had done something wrong; had witnessed something she shouldn’t have.

    The girl drops her school bag on the sidewalk and pulls at his arm. “We were supposed to be soulmates,” The girl says, starting to sob.

    They slow to a standstill, and the silence hangs heavy in the air. The boy doesn’t look back as he jerks his sleeve from her grip and stuffs his hands in his pants, “We’re not.”

    Hitoka recalls her mom tell her dad the same thing, except they were laughing. Her papa didn’t walk away, he didn’t just leave the picture. It didn’t hurt, not like this.

    “You said we would try!” The girl stumbles on her feet, she reaches out. “ _Please_.”

    Hitoka doesn’t know if the boy had heard, but she did. The word echoes as she watches the girl slowly disappear from sight.

    The vines fall away when she stands, she picks up the empty seed packet and puts it in her pocket.

 

—

 

    "Soulmates?" Her father asks.

    His brows furrow for a moment as he pats the newly-applied band-aid on her leg.

    Hitoka nods. "Mmhmm."

    He gives her a thumbs up and sets aside the first-aid kit. She crawls onto her father's lap, big eyes sparkling in the late afternoon light. The chime tinkles in the wind, it's wind-blown glass sending colors dancing across the wooden planks. He smiles down at her, brushing away strands of golden hair to the side.

    "Soulmates," he breathes out the word, saying it like when he narrates the end of his fairytales; the same way Hitoka had noticed he would say her mother’s name, "are two parts of a whole. Someone who makes you feel really, _really_ good and complete.”

    His eyes crinkle behind his glasses, his right hand grazes the fingers of his left.

    “Your soulmate is someone really, really hard to live without once you find them.”

    "Like mama?"

    "Just like mama, Hitoka."

    He places a kiss on her forehead as her eyebrows crease together. She remembers that scene in the garden, the way the girl held onto that boy’s shirt. How can something so wonderful look so painful? Hitoka shakes her head of that thought. This was her her dad; her _papa_ ; he always told the truth.

    Before Hitoka can think of anything else, there’s the telltale sound of the door opening and closing.

    Her father is left amused in the engawa as she shoots out of his lap and past the living room to stick her head out into hallway. Her mom’s slipping out of her shoes and stepping into a pair of slippers.

    “I’m home— _oof_.” Hitoka grins up toothily at her mother’s surprised face after she wraps her arms around her legs.

    “Welcome back, mama!”

    “ _Hitoka_ , I keep telling you not be so rough.” Even though her mom pinches her cheek and scolds her, Hitoka is happy when her mom’s hand rests on her head and pats down her hair.

    The smile on her mom’s face is enough for Hitoka to forgive her for anything.

    “At least you remembered the proper words this time.”

    “Welcome back, Madoka.”

    Her mother looks up and her face softens in ways Hitoka knows is only for her father. He reaches over to place a kiss on her mother’s cheek, while she hides her face in her Madoka’s skirt to hide her delight.

    Those two she’d seen in front of her home probably couldn’t be soulmates. Maybe she’d just misheard it. This is what real soulmates were like and Hitoka can’t wait to find her own someday.

    The family of three leave the genkan and enter the living room. Ren continues to the kitchen saying something about dinner, and Hitoka watches her mom shuck off her mages robes and place her bag on the coffee table, when they hear a knocking at the door.

    “I’ll get that,” her mother calls over, before her father could have other plans.

    It is very rare for them to have a guest over, Hitoka thinks, and super rare for her mother and father not to tell her about it. Her curiosity gets the better of her as she rushes after her mom.

In just a few steps Madoka is already at the door. Hitoka has to jog to catch up, and by the time she catches up the door is already open.

    A package is tucked under her mother’s arm when she looks up at Hitoka’s arrival. A kid her age stands at the door, his hands hidden behind his back. Her eyes graze his freckles and his spring green hair for a moment before her face heats up and she looks away.

    “Hitoka,” her mother gestures for her to come closer, “Good timing. Let me introduce you, this is Yamaguchi Tadashi-kun.”

 _Yamaguchi Tadashi_. Hitoka repeats in her head.

    It’s ultra super rare for a kid her age to come over and Hitoka can hear her heartbeat and feel her palms sweat, she doesn’t know if it’s because she’s excited, anxious, or scared — maybe all three. Maybe if she tries hard enough at this, she can actually make her very first friend.

    “Tadashi-kun, this is my daughter, Hitoka.”

    She looks up and meets his eyes — brown, like the soil she plants her flowers in. Tadashi is lighting up like the lanterns in her room at night; she knows she shouldn’t look at that directly; her mother had told her that most light magic users were self-conscious but she doesn’t want to pull away.

    Her mom gives her a slight push and Hitoka musters up every ounce of courage she has as she whips out a bow and stutters, “I-it’s nice t-to meet y—.”

    She doesn’t get to finish her sentence though, because her head knocks into Tadashi’s and he tumbles over.

    Hitoka had never felt so devastated in her life when he starts sniffling with shiny tears. He’s glowing brighter now, and she feels like the ground might be cracking a bit beneath her. 

    She runs into the house, ignoring her mother’s, “ _Hitoka!_ ” and buries herself in the blankets in her room as she starts to cry. There go her chances at making a friend.

 

—

 

    Apparently, second chances do exist, just not in the way Hitoka expected them to be.

    “M-my name is Yachi Hitoka.“ Hitoka bows repeatedly, one for every person in the class. “I hope we have a good year t-together!”

    Hitoka sits down in her seat, she can’t seem to stop her hands from shaking. 

    “ _Yachi_?”

    “The same Magical Girl Yachi?”

    “That’s so cool!”

    Hitoka feels her face heat up. _Yes_ . Hitoka thinks. _I think my mom is cool too!_

 

    Introductions finish, and Hitoka finds herself swarmed with foreign faces. She presses a sweaty hand to her chest to still her heart. She has to meet their expectations. She has to do something. She has to show them she’s just as cool as her mom.

    Reaching inside her skirt pocket, she takes out a handful of soil and places it on her desk. Hitoka had wanted to save the soil for later, but she figures that using it now wouldn’t be so bad. The kids around her are drawing blanks. Magical Girl Yachi never used soil.

    Hitoka draws an inverted triangle in the soil, slashes a line near the tip of the edge closest to her, and blows.

    It’s silent for a moment. Only for a moment.

    The desk creaks as the wood deforms and splits. Branches curl toward the ceiling. The metal frame grates as it forces itself to adjust. Splinters stick out like wooden snow, and the once brown wood turns black.

    It was supposed to turn into a flower.

    Instead of ‘oohs’ and aahs’, she’s met with screaming and abject terror. The desk — whatever it is — hasn’t even settled, yet her classmates were running away.

    Tears prick the edges of Hitoka’s eyes as she stares at what was supposed to be a flower.

    It’s a haunting black trunk with nothing nice about it. A scary tree from the fairytales her father used to tell her at night.

    Hitoka looks around and sees no one.

 

 _There’s always next time...right?_ Tears blur Hitoka’s vision and, she never sees the glowing boy peeking at her from the door.

 

—

 

    “Hitoka, I won’t be able to help if you don’t tell me what happened.” Her papa whispers in her ear, soothing her by gently running his fingers through her hair as she sobs. Hitoka couldn’t help but start to cry when she saw her father waiting for her in their garden. He had finally come back after a week away from home, and this is what she greets him with. She had used her magic badly. She had scared her classmates. She’ll never have any friends after what happened.

    “T-they were so scared, papa. A-a-and-” She doesn’t finish as a fresh wave of tears crest over her and she sobs into her father’s chest.

    “Oopsie daisy,” He lifts her up and she hides in the space between his neck and shoulders, “remember to breathe Hitoka.”

    She tries. She really does, but the memory of her classmates fear on their faces when she made that… that thing is burned onto the back of her eyelids. Every time she shuts her eyes, it’s there. That look. They were all so scared; so scared of _her_.

    Like she wasn’t the most terrified of them all.

    She takes a couple of shuddering breaths, the smell of salt was overwhelming.

    “That’s good. Take your time, no need to rush.” He wipes her face with his sleeves and carries her into the shelter of their home, her backpack slung on his opposite shoulder.

    Once inside, he takes off her shoes and drops them on the floor along with her backpack. He holds Hitoka even after her breathing has evened out and her sobbing turns to sniffling. He takes out a carton of milk from the fridge and settles on the living room couch with Hitoka.

    “Are you ready to talk? Do you want some milk?” She mutely shakes her head.

    “Ah, is that so?” He hums to himself. He pokes the straw into the carton, and takes a long sip. He eyes her with a mischievous look, “You know, Hitoka, when you cry, you become _really_ thirsty because of all the water coming out of your eyes. I’m afraid if you don’t drink something and you keep crying you might..,” It’s when she looks at him with horrified anticipation does he drop the bomb, “ _melt_.”

    Hitoka gasps, snatches the milk carton away from her papa and slurps the whole thing in one go. Which really wasn’t a good idea because now she can’t breathe and she hacks as her dad pats her back with a laugh.

    “You didn’t have to drink it that fast, Hitoka.”

    Hitoka is finally breathing easy when Ren asks, “Are you ready to tell me now, Hitoka?”

    When Hitoka remembers what happens, she wants to weep all over again. But she also doesn’t want to melt so, shakily, she gathers herself up.

    “I-I tried to m-make a flower at school. W-with magic.” She breathes. She can feel the water threatening to spill but she refuses to die by melting.

    “Oh? Did they say mean things to you because they were jealous of your magic?” Ren asks with a smile.

    Hitoka wishes that had been the truth. But it wasn’t. She didn’t even know how to use magic properly for anyone to be jealous of her.

    “N-no, it didn’t… it d-didn’t turn into a flower. I-It turned into a scary t-tree and everyone was so scared and now I-I’ll never have any friends and I… I… really want to have one!”

    Hitoka starts crying and she’s terrified she’s going to evaporate in her papa’s arms but she really just wants to have one friend before she does but she can’t because she doesn’t know how to use magic.

    “Hitoka,” Her papa soothes her again by weaving his fingers through her hair and and kisses the crown of her head, “It’s alright. Don’t cry.”

    “But p-papa—”

    “Hitoka.”

    Hitoka looks up at her papa and Hitoka will never stop believing he has all the answers in the world when he smiles at her like that.

    “You’re my princess, Hitoka, and the princess always has the best friends.” He kisses her forehead again. “The princess never gets things easily. She has to make a lot of mistakes and maybe even scares everyone away.” Hitoka nearly believes the grin on her papa’s face glows just like Tadashi had. “But the people who don’t get scared, Hitoka, the people that stay, they become the princess’ very best friends.”

    “But no one stayed papa!”

    The smile doesn’t leave her papa’s face for even a moment, “Are you sure, Hitoka? Did you really, _really_ look?”

 

    Later, Hitoka tries to wrack her brain for the person who waited, for the person who didn’t leave while her papa tucks into bed. But all she remembers is her fear and failure.

    “Papa?” Hitoka holds onto his hands before he leaves her side.

    He kneels so that he’s level with Hitoka’s eyes. “Yes Hitoka?”

    She doesn’t answer immediately, and instead worries at her bottom lip. She doesn’t feel safe in the dark, even if the lanterns filled her room with a soft light.

    “Listen, Hitoka,” He waits for her to meet his gaze before he continues.

    “The hero… the hero that can move mountains isn’t always the strongest. Sometimes, the one who knows when to rest is the strongest. Even heroes need a break every once in awhile.”

    His smile eases her nerves and gives her enough strength to ask for what she needs as she nods slowly, “Will you stay with me papa? Just until I fall asleep!”

    He pushes his glasses to rub at his eyes. “Of course, Hitoka.”

 

—

 

    The pavement burns like fire under the sunset. It’s quiet, save for the crackling leaves and the slow crunch of her footsteps on the concrete. It’s a weekend tomorrow, yet Hitoka can’t bring herself to be excited. Half-way through the third grade, and Hitoka still hasn’t made any friends. She adjusts her backpack and fiddles with her cap.

    She might as well be invisible.

    “Yamaguchi, why the long face?”

    She pauses. _Tadashi_?

    Hitoka looks up to see Tadashi fall against a street post. The contents of his backpack spill onto the sidewalk. Three boys, faces pulled into smirks, step all over his notebooks. Satisfaction gleams in their eyes as they watch the paper rip and the pencils snap.

    “It’s summer vacation, you won’t be needing these.”

    Tadashi is momentarily mute. Hitoka sees him opening and closing his mouth, trying to form words. _Oh no._ Hitoka thinks. _Oh no._ Tadashi is in trouble. She… she has to say _something_.

    “H-hey st—”

    Hitoka’s voice dies in her throat before she can finish. She starts to sweat, her body turns to lead. She’s scared. What will happen if she stops them? Will they push her down too? Will they ruin her stuff like they did Tadashi’s?

    She takes a step back. She has to leave. She can’t do this.

    A pen Tadashi is reaching for is kicked right out of his hands.

_But what about Tadashi?_

    She runs and skins her knees as she hides behind a bush a ways away from the boys. Their laughter echoes in the empty street as she peers at them.

    “Stop glowing, you freak.“ The tallest of the three boys stomps on Tadashi’s notebook with a snarl. “There are no teachers here to see.”

    “S… S-stop…,” Tadashi manages to say in a whisper of a voice, “It’s n-nothing like that.”

 _No!_ Hitoka fears for Tadashi’s well being. Why is he speaking up? It’ll be over faster if he stays quiet, right? Hitoka can’t be sure, but that had always worked with her mother and father when they scolded her.

    “Huh?” The tallest one stares down at Tadashi. Hitoka can see Tadashi try to hold back both his tears and his light magic from spilling out.

    The tallest one clicks his tongue and fists the front of Tadashi’s shirt. “What did you say you stupid firefly?”

    “I-I”, Tadashi grabs the boy’s wrist, “I said it’s n-nothing like that! Stop it!”

     “Talking back because there’s no one to see you, huh!” Tadashi is pushed back into the post again. “Just shut up!”

    Hitoka can’t let them continue, but there is no strength in her knees. She’s shaking like crazy. Will they hurt Hitoka if she does something? Will it hurt? Hitoka shakes her head and a few tears escape her eyes.

_They’re hurting him!_

    Hitoka frantically searches the bush. There’s just enough soil and vegetation for her to reach their feet and Hitoka quickly pulls a water bottle out of her backpack.

    She dumps it on the floor and takes a peek again to see the other two boys encircling close in behind their leader, getting even closer to Tadashi.

    She’s never been so scared in her life, tears are flowing freely down her face and her hands just can’t stop shaking.

    She draws the same exact slashed triangle that ostracized her from her would-be friends and prays. _Please work._

    “Fireflies _don’t_ talk you got that—”

    What should have been branches separating the boys from Tadashi turns into a vine that wraps itself around Tadashi’s waist and hauls him six feet off the ground.

    The bullies are surprised for only a few moments until their leader says, “Look! A streetlight!” before they all burst out laughing.

    Frustration bubbles in her stomach, but Hitoka is relieved Tadashi is up and out of reach. For some reason, though, Tadashi is more distressed than before and it takes a minute for Hitoka to realize his panicked eyes are staring right at _her_.

    “Looks like you’ve finally found something you can do, firefly.” The leader walks off with more haughty laughing with his lackeys right behind him.

    “W-wait!” Tadashi struggles with the vine and again looks right at her. Hitoka has the strange feeling he’s trying to tell her something.

    “Did you hear anything?” The leader asks and both boys shake their heads with a grin.

    They start walking in Hitoka’s direction and it clicks. Hitoka uses as much magic as she can muster and lets the branches of the bush wrap around her to hide her from view.

    The boys walk right past her and Hitoka’s heart beats a drum in her chest as one of them looks at the bush with a confused look before running off to join his friends.

    The sky’s indigo and the last rays of the sun’s died out in the silence between Tadashi and her, when Hitoka steps out of her hiding place. Tadashi’s looking away from her as he hangs in the air.

    She shuffles over to the vine holding Tadashi with a bit of the mud she’d used earlier, and draws the slashed triangle right-side up on the trunk. The vine goes _poof_ and Tadashi goes _splat_.

    Hitoka had thought it would make it smaller until Tadashi could safely touch the ground.

    “I-I’m so sorry!” Hitoka grabs the end of her skirt, trying to settle herself and hold back the tears.

    Tadashi stumbles a bit as he stands. Hitoka holds her hands up, ready to catch him if he falls again. “A-are you o-okay?!”

    “I’m… I-I’m ok.”

    The glow on Tadashi’s cheeks is dim as he rubs the back of his head and sends Hitoka a smile. Hitoka sees it waver and break at the edges.

    Tadashi bends down to pick up his backpack.

    “You shouldn’t have done that,” Tadashi tells her, his brow was furrowed and his eyes looked at everything but her.

    “Wha—”

    “You shouldn’t h-help me!” Tadashi’s voice cracks, fist balled at his sides, “I c-can take care of myself…”

    Hitoka adjusts her backpack and wipes the dirt from her skirt. There’s a lump in her throat and frustration lingers in her stomach. She looks at Tadashi, at his crumpled shirt and his shaking hands, and lets it all slide. She tries to smile. He can take care of himself.

    “Ok,” She says softly, “I won’t do it again.” She doesn't even think she could do it if a next time actually came around even if she wanted to.

    Hitoka pretends she doesn’t see Tadashi jump a little at her response. Maybe Hitoka never saw it.

    They wave goodbye at each other. Hitoka watches Tadashi disappear as he turns a corner, she wonders if he was wiping sweat off his face.

 

—

 

    If Hitoka ever glimpses Tadashi getting hurt after that, all she does is clenches a hand in her skirt and walks the other way.

    There’s a word Hitoka knows that describes her perfectly.

    She’s heard it spoken in all her favorite anime and sometimes she hears it in the rustle of the leaves when she walks to school. The word seems to slip into the lectures of her teachers, into the eyes that seem to linger half-a-second too long.

    On a day Tadashi looks into her eyes and shakes his head amidst the taunts of his classmates, Hitoka feels chains wrap around her heart and legs — pulling her forward and rooting her in place at the same time.

    She feels relieved when the thundering of her heart drowns the word from mind.

 

    Light passes through her curtains in murky splotches, she doesn’t bother to put on her desk light. Hitoka drags the hardbound dictionary from her shelf and sets it on her desk. The straps of her bag dig into her shoulder as she pores over the pages.

    She finds the word after a while.

 

_Coward: (n)  a person who lacks the courage to do or endure dangerous or unpleasant things._

 

    “I found it.” She finds herself in a word staring back at her, daring her to defy the evidence behind it all.

    “What did you find Hitoka?”

    Her father’s at the door, hand still on the doorknob. He steps into the room as she bumbles around for an answer. He leans over the dictionary, but he doesn’t see the word jump out of the page as it does for Hitoka. She wants to slam it shut; she doesn’t want her dad to see _her—_ _the word_. But then it’ll be suspicious so Hitoka does nothing but listen to the beating of her heart.

    “Hm,” he turns on the desk light, “is this for your homework?” He asks, holding up the dictionary curiously.

    She folds her hands behind her back and nods. At least she doesn’t have to lie because Hitoka is so very bad at lying. “Yeah.”

    Hitoka feels the scrutiny under father’s gaze.

    “I made some ramen,” He says as he leaves the room, “change your clothes and come eat.”

    The door closes with a click and a sigh of relief from Hitoka.

    She trudges into the kitchen after changing into her house clothes and sits at a chair without looking at her papa. Her mother isn’t home yet so she’s alone with her father.

    “Hitoka, you’re not eating, aren’t you hungry?” Her papa asks curiously.

    Hitoka shakes her head to rid herself of the _I’m a coward_ mantra assaulting her thoughts and begins to eat. She really doesn’t have much of appetite despite her feeble attempts at distracting herself with food.

    Four bites later — to her surprise — bubbles start to form from the ramen broth, floating in the air. Hitoka stares at one as it comes closer.

    Hitoka looks at her papa as she senses the familiar sensation from her papa’s magic. A roguish grin is etched into his lips.

    “Whoever eats the most bubbles gets an extra cookie!” Her papa announces before popping three bubbles in his mouth and when Hitoka registers she’ll get one of her papa’s super delicious cookies for eating bubbles, she’s chasing after the bubbles in a flash.

    “Papa, that’s cheating!” Hitoka squeaks as her papa holds her up and out of the way to eat the bubble she was pursuing. He keeps holding her up and she tries to squirm out of his arms but then notices she has access to more bubbles this way.

    “How many did you get Hitoka?” Her papa asks, hand on his knees as he breathes in air after setting her down, “I got… fifteen?”

    “I got twenty seven!” Hitoka cheers, “Do I get a cookie now, papa?”

    Her papa eyes her incredulously and Hitoka smiles widely at him. He laughs.

    “Yes, Hitoka, you win a cookie.”

 

—

 

    She’s hiding again, but this time she’s peeking from behind a tree. The bullies are shoving their own bags at Tadashi, and Hitoka does nothing but dig her fingers into the bark.

    Clouds of sand rise from the impact, and their laughter falls flat in the empty playground. The sun bearing down on them masks Tadashi’s glowing; however, it does nothing to stop Tadashi’s voice from carrying in the wind.

    Hitoka feels like crying, she promised Tadashi she wouldn’t help. But, can she keep this up? She looks away. Maybe if she can’t see, she won’t feel the need to break her promise. But is it really just for a promise? Isn’t that just an excuse to cover up the real reason — cowardice?

    “What’re you looking at?” 

    Hitoka jerks. The temperature seems to drop and she shivers. _They’ve found me_ . She thinks. _They’re going to hurt me._ She opens her eyes to the color violet.

    Hitoka looks up and up and up. The tip of her head softly bumps into the tree by the time she can see the boy’s face. Her heart skips a beat. Cold golden eyes peer down at her from behind black-rimmed glasses. She wilts beneath his scrutiny.

    He frowns at her silence and looks over to the side. Hitoka thinks she might be dreaming when she sees the sides of his lips turn upwards. The giant — Hitoka has never seen a boy so _tall_ — turns down his nose at her.

    “Pathetic.”

    She’s petrified as the boy walks away from the trees shade and towards the bullies. Hitoka is both amazed and shocked at how he does it so easily, how he bulldozes through the wall Hitoka thought unreachable.

    He crosses the line of no return and Tadashi and his bullies see him come towards them.

    “You’re all pathetic,” The tall kid says when all the attention is on him.

    Hitoka’s heart does something different this time when the tall kid faces all the taunts of the bullies head-on. It beats so loud and clear that Hitoka is surprised no one can hear it.

    Her face feels hot when she touches it, almost like it’s burning and she finds herself thinking that the tall boy is… _really cool_.

    The bullies disperse with a final confrontation from the tall boy and Hitoka suddenly feels cold and clammy when he walks past her. She wipes the sweat of her palms on the edge of her skirt and runs out to help Tadashi up. 

    Hitoka may be a _coward_ but she definitely isn’t going to be _pathetic_ in front of someone so cool.

    “A-are you ok?!” Hitoka holds a hand out to a dazed Tadashi.

    “Hitoka...?” His eyes focus on her and he seems to gather himself enough to and get up, forgoing her hand. “I m-mean Yachi-san! I-I’m ok!” He dusts himself off. “Really!”

    “That’s great Tadashi-kun!” Hitoka smiles and lets her hand fall to her side.

    Tadashi’s looking over her shoulder and Hitoka realizes he’s looking at the tall boy’s retreating back.

     “He… was really c-cool right?” Hitoka asks, joining Tadashi as she too looks back.

    Tadashi seems to really agree with her, because she can hear the way his voice lifts when he nods vigorously.

    “Y-yes! He was so, _so_ cool!”

    He’s beaming, but Hitoka can see the way he seems to droop a bit when he adds, “I wish I knew his name...”

    The boy’s back grows smaller and smaller every second, but for some reason Hitoka feels like she can run a kilometer in a second if she wanted to if just to reach him.

    “I… I’ll go ask him!” She declares, dashing off before Tadashi can comment.

    “E-excuse me!” Hitoka is out of breath when she grabs hem of the tall boy’s jacket. He stops walking and she takes this time to rest a hand on her knees. When he turns to peer suspiciously at her, Hitoka clams up and the words stick to her throat.

    “Y-you were really, really cool — b-back there! When you faced t-those other boys!” She says in a breathe. Hitoka hopes she’s complimenting him right. She inhales, “W-what’s your name?!”

    The tall boy looks a little pink in the face.

    “Tsukishima.” He says.

    Hitoka finds it strange when Tsukishima pauses to look at her hand, then over her shoulder. She’s about to look and see what has caught his eye when he graces her with his whole name.

    “Tsukishima Kei.”

    She feels hot and cold at the same exact time.

 

    Hitoka finally feels heroic for once when she musters up enough courage to slide open the door of Tadashi’s class. She tries to ignore all the whispering as she marches up to his desk.

    “T-Tadashi-kun, do you want to eat l-lunch with me?” She only hopes he understands her despite how fast she says it. Hitoka feels like she’s losing strength with each second of constant whispering.

    Tadashi blinks once before twinkling like a christmas tree. Hitoka dreads she may have done something to offend him right before he nods. Tadashi actually nods, still glowing brightly — Hitoka has the distinct feeling the glow is more pink than yellow this time — and grabs his lunch box.

    Her mother once told her there’s a phrase for being this happy. Something about being on cloud nine? Hitoka isn’t sure if that’s it but she’s just _so_ happy. She’s going to share lunch with a friend for the very first time in her life. Hitoka calms herself before she gets too happy. The bramble in her pocket starts to sprout strawberries.

 

—

 

    Tadashi manages to befriend Tsukishima— Tsukki and one day re-introduces him to Hitoka.

    Tsukki turns out to be more mean than cool. Hitoka still likes him as a friend, but her opinion of him is far different compared to her first impression.

    He and Tadashi start playing volleyball; which, Hitoka really likes. Right up to the point when Akiteru, Tsukki’s older brother, turned out to be a liar. Her papa said lying is a very bad thing to do; she doesn’t think that makes Akiteru a bad person, but she doesn’t like that.

    It turns Tsukki’s magic even colder. He accidentally freezes one of her plants while visiting her class, but Hitoka forgives him when he gives her seeds for a new one.

    “The one you had before was really weak and pathetic,” He says, turning his head so as to not look at her. He gingerly places the packet in her outstretched hands, and she stares at him in awe. “These are better,” he says, finally looking at her with a smirk.

    She feels warm all over as she beams at him. “Thank you so much!”

    She plants the morning glory in a pot and smiles each time he visits her class and secretly peeks at it. This is why she likes him so much as a friend. Even _when_ he’s mean, he’s nice about it.

    Tadashi is cool in his very own way. He’s able to get them in and out of situations neither Hitoka or Tsukki could in a million years. She really likes that about him even when he doesn’t think so.

    Hitoka feels very proud and very scared for him when he puffs up his chest and asks the same people who bullied him if they want to be friends. They sneer and immediately refuse — which, in hindsight, might have been the fault of a certain looming presence in the background called Tsukki.

    Tadashi comes back dejected, but Hitoka is happy that her friends are strong and forgiving.

 

    One of the best moments of Hitoka’s life is the snowball fight they have in the 6th grade. Since Tsukki is in his element, it’s Tadashi and her against him.

    Tsukki is mean enough to not help them build their fort, but nice enough to give them the first move after he builds his own within a magical minute.

    He’s utilizing the slide as a base and he stands on it with a lofty smirk on his face, the cold clearly not bothering him.

    “Both of you are pitiful weaklings. There’s no way you’ll ever beat me,” He says haughtily with the trademark Tsukki Smirk, turning his nose up at them. They glare back at him and plop down behind their own excuse-of-a-fort.

    “What do we do Tadashi-kun?” Hitoka asks with a pinch of worry and a whole lot of excitement. Tadashi scrunches up his face in thought for a minute before he has a eureka moment. Before he can speak; however, a snowball rockets past and plants itself in the space between their outstretched legs.

    “I can see you glowing from all the way over here,” Tsukki taunts, “What are you, a glow worm?”

    “Yacchan!” Tadashi cups a mitten-covered hand and whispers in her ear, “Remember when you saved me from those bullies with the weird vine thing? Well, I’m gonna run out and distract Tsukki and you do that again!”

    Her heart beats a drum of fear in her chest. That hadn’t been on purpose. That had been an accident. How was she supposed to make an _accident_ happen again?  

    “B-but what if I can’t do it?!” She exclaims. Because if she can’t do it, they’ll lose and then Tadashi will be mad at her and maybe even want to stop being friends with her and then Hitoka will be alone _again_.

    Tsukki isn’t lifting a finger, yet he’s started flinging snowballs at them non-stop. Hitoka and Tadashi find themselves sinking deeper into the ground, away from the onslaught. Hitoka is so worried she’ll be the reason they lose and she doesn’t want to lose _Tadashi_ because she can’t use earth magic properly and —

    “Don’t worry, Yacchan,” Tadashi smiles, freckles once again contrasting with his glowing cheeks, “I believe in you.”

    Before Hitoka can react, Tadashi jumps over their fort with a battle cry and runs towards Tsukki, flashing like a million light bulbs. Hitoka has to blink and look away.  

    Tadashi… believes in her? No one has ever believed in Hitoka before. She feels sort of... happy.

    “Finally. Here to die, huh?” Hitoka strains against the bright light to see Tsukki having even greater trouble than her seeing straight and resorting to taking off his glasses. This is her chance! If Tadashi really believes in her then this is the moment to show him when she can do!

    While the walking flare that is Tadashi is bombarded with snowballs, Hitoka runs opposite from him and circles around the park until she’s behind the slide. She quickly digs up the snow to reach the dirt and takes off her gloves to draw the symbol for earth. She prays that it works before she blows on it.

    A dark green vine painstakingly pushes out from the ground and Hitoka sees Tsukki turn around and lock eyes with her at the same exact moment it wraps itself around his waist and hauls him upwards off the slide.

    Happiness wells up in her. It worked! It worked! She did it! She can keep being friends with Tadashi! _I did it! I’m a hero!_

    Hitoka is too busy celebrating to hear Tadashi.

    “Quick, Yacchan!” He shouts frantically from the other side of the swing, “Hurry up and make it disappear! Yacchan! _Yacchan!_ ”

     Hitoka beams in Tadashi’s direction, thinking he’s cheering, just as Tsukki manages to turn around in the vine’s grip and magic up a wind to pelt her with enough snowballs to make a mini mountain.

     She’s buried under snow not unlike a mummy and is just too happy to feel sad about it.

    Tadashi manages to dig her out after a minute of panicked _“Yacchan!”_ s

    “Yacchan!” Tadashi pulls out the euphoric Hitoka from under the snow. “Are you ok?! Are you still alive?!” There are almost tears at the edges of his eyes, however; he sighs in relief when Hitoka gives him a thumbs up.

    “I did it, Tadashi-kun… I did it...” Hitoka feels her cheeks start to tingle with pain from the smile on her face and she doesn’t think she’ll ever be able to stop. Which worries her a bit because she can’t smile when something sad happens but right now she’s too happy to stress.

    Tadashi nods vigorously in excitement as pulls her to her feet.

    “Yeah you did! That was so cool!”

 _That was so cool!_ It’s the first time anyone ever calls her, Yachi Hitoka, cool. The euphoria makes her forget that she can’t feel her fingers.

    “Y-your hands are so cold!” Even Tadashi’s frantic exclamation fails to get her out of her happy state. Hitoka doesn’t see Tadashi glow more pink than yellow before he decides to take her hands in his and it’s then that Hitoka feels very, very nice.

    “T-this is just to keep you warm!” Tadashi explains, but before Hitoka can say anything Tsukki’s annoyed deadpan rings out.

    “Can the person who made this stupid vine please remove it?”

    It takes another euphoric moment for Hitoka to realize that person is her. “O-oh yes! Sorry!”

    Hitoka doesn’t see Tadashi’s disappointed look when she takes her hands out of his.

    They somehow manage to get Tsukki down and then Tadashi makes the quick decision of going for hot milk. Hitoka and Tadashi choose chocolate and Tsukki, being the deviant he is, picks strawberry. They walk her home as they drink the milk and Tadashi continues to tease Tsukki for drinking hot strawberry milk.

    “It’s weird Tsukki! Does it even taste good?” Tadashi says with a chuckle as he ambles next to Hitoka, the happiness and pride from winning still evident in his big, toothy grin.

    Tsukki shoots a glare at Tadashi before smirking. “Weirder than your pink glow? I don’t really think so, Yamaguchi.”

    Hitoka doesn’t understand why Tadashi nearly chokes on his own milk at that.

    Tsukki laughs and walks ahead of them. Hitoka is left with a Tadashi with milk mustache. He rubs it off with his sleeve before Hitoka can comment.

    “What pink glow?” She asks.

    Tadashi glows up and this time, Hitoka can actually see the blush of pink. It’s really pretty.

    “I-’it’s nothing!” He grabs her hands and runs to catch up with Tsukki. “Come on Yacchan! We’re almost there!”

    Tadashi and Tsukki drop her off at her home and Hitoka is jumping with excitement to tell her papa and mama and everything that happened today and how her friends said that she was cool.

    For some reason though, Hitoka comes back and only finds her mother. Wasn’t her father supposed to come home today? She wonders if he would be a little late. This isn’t the first time this happened.

    Later that night, she strains her ears for the sound of her papa’s footsteps until she falls asleep.

    Tomorrow comes and he still isn’t home.

    Five days pass before Hitoka tugs on her mother’s sleeve and asks, “Mama where’s papa?”

 

—

 

    It’s colder in the genkan than inside the house.

    Somehow, the brisk wind from the open door makes her feel like she still exists.

    She has a full view of their garden. It’s barren, save for the black leaves tumbling among the soil. Her toes curl in their socks as she fumbles with the laces on her sneakers.

    Snippets of the afternoon news break through the static. A murderer not found, missing skins, declining fish sales. Nothing but failure. It eggs on her throbbing temples, but she doesn’t want to lower the volume, much less turn it off.

    It keeps the silence at bay.

    The door of her mother’s office looms at the opposite end of the hall. The heat of her mother’s magic seeps into the wooden planks; the magic rattles the greasy chopsticks and causes the towering china to clink together.

    She crumples the grocery list into her jacket pocket, and weighs her wallet in the palms of her hand. It’s circular with a cartoon shiba-inu printed on the sides — a gift from her friends. They gave it to her a week after her birthday, she recalls calling it cute when they went to buy popsicles at the convenience store afterwards.

    She hasn’t seen them in months now.

    Her fingers wander to the strap of her phone. She hasn’t had the chance to get their phone numbers either.

    The TV’s all static now.

    Hitoka imagines the sound of a pin dropping.

    Light spills through the grimy windows, and seeps into the gaping hole of her father’s shoes. Hitoka had pushed the shoes towards the farthest corner; it hurt her less when they were out of her line of vision. Silvery thread seems to peek at the edge of her periphery.

    She imagines red beady eyes and a frightening number of hairy legs waiting for unsuspecting feet.

    Maybe, it’s Ren’s hands double-knotting the laces; his chuckle that she can’t quite recall anymore; or, the curling smoke of his cooking wafting in from the kitchen.

    Maybe it’s a retreating profile and a pleading girl.

    The bed in her parents room hasn’t been slept in for ages.

    Everything just feels too big. Too empty — just like their refrigerator, like the fish pond her father made near the engawa. Though maybe it’s her heavy heart that makes it out as depressingly big with the goodbyes she has to say.

    She pushes herself off the ground, and dusts off her jeans — she’s been dwelling for too long. She pulls out the eco-bag they keep beside the umbrella stand and closes the door behind her.

    Hitoka trudges down the street towards Tsukishima household, grip tight on the strap of her bag. She hasn’t spoken to Tsukki in awhile. Maybe he’ll be mad at her and refuse to have anything to do with her, maybe then she’ll have an excuse.

    Her hand shakes as she presses her finger to the intercom.

    She can do this. Tadashi had called her cool, once upon a time, so maybe she can be cool now. She wraps her jacket tighter around herself as she waits.

    The intercom doesn’t go off. Instead, the door opens to reveal Tsukki. He’s grown taller and lankier in the time she hasn’t seen him. His black-rimmed glasses seem new as well.

    “Look who finally decided to show up,” He grinds out, his face blank.

    She tangles her fingers in the strap of her bag and stares at his shoes. The gate’s a set of jail bars she doesn’t have the key to.

    She hasn’t been a good friend to him or Tadashi. She hasn’t even talked or hung out with them in forever. He has every right to be mad, but it still hurts.

    “I’m… I’m sorry,” She mumbles at the pavement , “I was… busy.”

    Goosebumps rise on her skin and shivers run down her spine as the gate whines open. She cranes her head to catch the glare of Tsukki’s gaze, cold. His mouth moves, as if he’s chewing the inside of his cheeks.

    “Why are you crying?” He asks gruffly. There’s the slight lilt of Tsukki’s voice, the one he uses when he’s taunting people, when he says, “Yamaguchi should be the one crying not you.” She’s dropped into a bucket of ice. The sound of Tadashi’s name tears her in half. Her tears come down like a waterfall.

    “I’m sorry!” Tears wrack her body, the hem of her sleeves already soaked through, “I’m sorry!”

    Tsukki is frozen like a deer in headlights and Hitoka just can’t stop crying.

    “Kei!”

    Tsukishima Akiteru comes running in, and Hitoka hurriedly rubs off her tears. He sets a hand on Tsukki’s shoulder and spares a reproaching glare at his brother.

    “What did you do to make Hitoka-chan cry?” Tsukki doesn’t meet his gaze. “ Apologize.”

    There’s a protest on the tip of Tsukki’s tongue, it’s Hitoka who voices it.

    “I-It’s not… It’s not T-Tsukki’s f-fault!” She says in-between shuddering breaths.

    It’s all her fault.

    She’s the one who hasn’t talked to them in forever; the one who hasn’t been a good friend; and the one whose father disappeared.

 

    It’s her fault.

    “It’s m-my fault.”

   Hands still her shaking shoulders and through her blurry vision she glimpses Akiteru. He gives her a small smile.

 

    “Alright, Hitoka-chan, I get it. It isn’t anything Kei did, I understand that… but why are you crying ?” He asks.

    Hitoka tries to hold back the next wave of tears with Akiteru’s calm.

 

    “I-I’m..,” Hitoka sniffs and digs her palms in her eyes to force the waterworks down.

    She can — _has_ to do this.

    She has to tell them.

    She has to tell Tsukki.

    She has to tell—“I-I’m moving away”

    Her heart doesn’t lighten even if it should. Akiteru nods slowly at this and Tsukki flinches.

    She has to say goodbye now. That’s what she came to do — what she has to do. She needs to say goodbye now.

    “But I d-don’t want to!”

    She chokes on her tears. She sputtering, and her nose is running. Her face is just red and splotchy, she knows it.

    “I d-don’t want to m-move! I want to s-stay here!” It’s hard to speak when there’s a lump in her throat, when it feels like she’s been punched in the gut.

    “With Tsukki a-and T-Tadashi! I don’t want to leave! I d-don’t want to say g-goodbye!” Hitoka buries her face into her palms, unsure if she can continue talking.

    She doesn’t want any of this. She just wants her dad back and her friends to stay. For her to not leave. She wants her mom to be a mom again and for everything to be normal again. Is that too much to ask for? Is she asking for too much?

    Is she too greedy?

    “Hitoka-chan.” Akiteru squeezes her shoulder in an attempt to calm her. It doesn’t help very much. “It’s ok. You’ll be ok. It’s going to be—.”

    “Then don’t say goodbye.” It’s Tsukki that sobers her up.

    He pushes past his brother and uses his sleeve to roughly scrub away at her tear-stained face.

    “Don’t say goodbye.”  
     She sputters into his sleeve and he tsks at the motion.

_How can she not?_

    “I won’t say it and you won’t say it so this isn’t goodbye.” He moves his head away as she stares up at him in wonder.

    He averts his gaze. “See you later.”

    And then Tsukki turns away, back into his house.

    Akiteru calls after him to give Hitoka a proper goodbye, but the doors already closed behind him. He tells Hitoka he’ll be right back and that’ll be ok before going after his little brother. She stands there, eyes suddenly dry as she stares at the spot Tsukki had just stood.

    He gave her the perfect solution, the best answer to her dilemma. There’s no way she’d ever be able to say goodbye to Tadashi if she couldn’t even say it to Tsukki.

    So she won’t.

    She won’t say farewell to neither Tadashi or Tsukki so it won’t be a goodbye. She won’t do it.

    “See you later, Tsukki.” She whispers, taking one last look at the house before walking off in the direction of her home.

 

—

 

    “So do you have any plans?” Her homeroom teacher asks.

    She twiddles her thumbs at the thought of the future, for the present was a more comforting place to live in.

    After two years, her mom finally left her office behind. In fact, she hasn’t seen her mom don her mage’s robe at all these days. Hitoka still doesn’t know what happened behind the door, but whatever it was changed her mom. Maybe she’s harsher now, but a mom nonetheless.

    She still hasn’t been told anything about her dad, and Hitoka doesn’t know if she can ask. She doesn’t want her mom to go back to the way she was before it happened.

    The teacher gives her an expectant look; she shuffles nervously in response.

    “You’re one of my students who still doesn’t have a plan.’” He shuffles the papers on his desk and inserts Hitoka’s file into the folder. “It’s worrying.”

_I would answer you if I could Sensei._

    “Yachi-san?”

    Hitoka shakes and fakes a smile after a nervous laugh, “I-I still haven’t given it much thought yet.”

    He shakes his head and Hitoka escapes his gaze to look at her shoes. She just… she just wants to find the missing pieces of her past before moving on.

    Because, to be honest, she’s as far from realizing her plans as she is from finding her father. The thought of him is like a dagger stuck in her chest. An old wound not fully healed. Skin refusing to close around metal.

    “You have to take this seriously, Yachi-san.” He starts, Hitoka knows that he’s going to give her _the lecture_ again. The future is important; time is gold; you only live once; and you can’t wander aimlessly through life. You’ll never get anywhere.

    She feels guilty, like ten-kilogram stones settling in her stomach. She bows and apologizes numerous times before he finally lets her off the hook.

    Hitoka takes her time walking back to the apartment. She imagines that orange juice is spilled across the sky, maybe she can taste the citrus when she breathes in.

    Her mom’s not going to be at home until at least eight in the evening, so Hitoka might as well savor some more alone time.

    Her homework, the cleaning and the cooking are all done before she can sit down and have a moment to herself; a moment to think about the future. She had always wanted to face it prepared; not while she feels like this: incompetent, empty, anxious — no happy thoughts. She wants to study well to get into a college, and find a job she likes after she’s done with that.

    She pulls the throw pillow close to her body, and stares at the white ceiling. The lights from the kitchen casts a dim glow on the living room. She sighs and closes her eyes.

    Then…  maybe, just maybe, she wants to find someone and start a family.

    Or maybe just a friend. She shouldn’t hope too much. That hadn’t helped her at all last time. There’s no way she’ll ever find her _soulmate_ in this life.

_“Your soulmate is someone really, really hard to live without once you find them.”_

    Hitoka doesn't _understand_. It doesn’t add up. How could her father say such a thing and leave? How could he say it with such love, look at her mom with that crinkle in his eyes and turn away?

    Curiosity burned inside of her, consumed her lethargy and pushed her towards the study room. She taps away at her computer, looking up soulmates on Google. Soulmates were formed at the very creation of the world, one article read, they are the result of two halves who chose to make themselves whole through each other.

    She learns more than the origin, she learns about the strong feelings they share; the connections that bind them for lifetimes; and the effect on their magic similar to the ebb and flow of the ocean.

    How finding your soulmate is the golden ticket to the perfect relationship.

    How the Romeo and Juliet phenomenon came to be.

    How much it tangibly hurts to be apart from them.

    The more Hitoka reads, the more certain she is that her dad couldn't have just left.

    Article after article strengthens her belief in her theory. Story after story convinces her of this even more. It's when she comes across a particular passage from the darker side of the spectrum does a terribly ingenuous thought occur to her.

_‘Quite a group of people, especially those owning major businesses  and high-end corporations, would rather never find their chosen mate, claiming something as valuable as a soulmate could easily be used for leverage and blackmail.’_

    What if her dad; _her_ _papa_ had been… _kidnapped_?

    That would explain… quite a number of occurrences.

    All those sleepless night her mother spent hovering over ancient texts; all those weird, out of ordinary herbs and plants she had made Hitoka buy; the hellhound she had borrowed from a friend; all those divination symbols; the witching rod— all of those items were used for magical _tracking_.

    Her papa didn’t abandon them— someone or something had taken him away.

    Hitoka needs to—.

    A quick search is all it takes for her to find what she needs. She now has something to tell her homeroom teacher regarding her future plans, and it revolves around the school with the best tracking magic curriculum in the country: Karasuno High School.

 

—

 

    Cherry blossoms flutter down from the sky like rain. A cacophony of chatter and laughter accompanies Hitoka’s entrance into the school grounds. Her legs are supposed to be as shaky with anxiety as they always are on school mornings, but they’re more firm than not. It’s because she has a solid plan: get through all mandatory basics this year — magic and non-magic — and start specializing at the beginning of second year.

    She could cram the basic theory in her free time, and do the practical learning after school and during classes. That way, she was sure to get a handle on it faster, and the faster they get through the basics, the closer she gets to the answers she’s been looking for.

    She enters the classroom and makes a beeline for the seat closest to the windows. She sinks into it, and pulls out all the necessities for her first class and stares straight ahead.

    She’d contemplated tying a bandanna around her forehead for morale, but the want to finish the whole year seemed enough to live on.

    Her plan, though, however thought out, takes quite a u-turn three months into her first year just before summer vacation, when a literal goddess graces the earthly Hitoka with her holy presence. She’s never seen someone so beautiful before in her life and she is too awed by the woman’s divine looks to even register the volleyball club recruitment poster sliding between her fingers.

    When she does follow Shimizu Kiyoko to the 2nd School Gym, she wasn’t prepared, much less expected to see Yamaguchi Tadashi and Tsukishima Kei from such a random spin of fate.

    They’ve grown taller. Hitoka notes behind Kiyoko’s shadow. Tsukishima with his never-changing glasses, and Yamaguchi with his springy green hair. It didn’t matter much though, because everyone on the volleyball club was tall… and decidedly loud and scary.

    She could feel their spirit shake hers when they answered in unison.

    They approach her after introductions finish. Yamaguchi has a huge smile on his face and Tsukishima is apathetic as ever. Hitoka has never been so happy to see anybody in her life. She feels like she could just bask in their presence forever, maybe she’s glowing just as bright as Yamaguchi did once. 

    “Hey Yachi-san! Long time no see!” He lifts a hand and waves at her. ”I can't believe we’ve been going to the same school for months and never bumped into each other!” Yamaguchi says, all rushed with excitement.

    Hitoka is too busy familiarizing herself with his warm smile and brown eyes to respond. She recalls comparing his freckles to the spotted lanterns back in her childhood home.

    Yamaguchi takes this and as a bad sign of confusion and panics. “You still remember me, right?”

    Hitoka snaps from her stupor and rummages through her bag quickly to pull out her cartoony wallet to present to them.

     “I still have this.” She peeks out from behind the wallet, color faded and body patched. ”I still use it. Of course, I remember you! I-I missed you two!”

     If Yamaguchi smiles at her the same way he is now everyday for the next year, there's no way Hitoka will ever give up.

    Tsukishima uses the moment to pull his lips back in a smirk and mock hauntingly, “ It's been three years and you're still as whipped as ever I see.”

    Hitoka doesn't process what Tsukishima means by the statement and Yamaguchi glows with a very pink light and stammers, “S-Shut up Tsukki!”

    Hitoka feels a little teary-eyed after she laughs. She missed this. Tsukishima and his taunting; and Yamaguchi and his gentle way of talking. This nostalgia of having her old friends back after so long lifts the heaviness from her shoulders. In so many different ways, just talking like this makes her feel young.

    Hitoka hadn't really had hope for second chances, what with everything that happened with her in the past but this one might make her believe again.

    Her good luck doesn't stop there though. She somehow gains even more friends through volleyball of all things.

    There's a boy named Hinata, an excitable redhead with a non-magic jump just as high as his own height,  who keeps breaking the no magic rule every time he celebrates. He jumps even higher with aid from his wind magic and is always getting scolded by everyone yet that never seems to stop him or them from smiling.

    Another one called Kageyama seemed really grumpy and scary at first turns out to be just an awkward ball of sunshine, contradicting his own personal stormy magic. His blue eyes peeked beneath his almost constantly furrowed brows, as he sets thunderous clouds and gusty winds over Hinata’s head (who never seemed to remember that he could easily send the clouds away with his own magic).

    He was kind enough to calmly answer her questions on his superb magic control.

    All her senpai are a godsend with their kindness. Even the really loud ones who scare her at times are nice. She’s grateful for every last one of them even though she's only known them for a few days.

    Even though she's only been reunited with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima recently; and has only just begun to get used to Hinata and his super jumps and Kageyama and his rain clouds, somehow they’re all sitting around her living room table for a study session. Her mom’s out on a job, but she did ask for permission before hand.

    “Why am I here again?” Tsukishima laments, physically stopping himself from wincing as Kageyama and Hinata enter an argument about the validity of learning the English language; which somehow sounds like two kindergarteners fighting over a cupcake, albeit with exaggerated use of the words _stupid_ and _dumbass_.

    They sat cross-legged on the floor and around the coffee table. Their bags littered the spaces in between them, and their notebooks are stacked on the pristine glass.

    She’s sure that Tsukishima would have left long ago if Yamaguchi and her weren’t there.

    “Because I need help with English, and you won’t help me,” Yamaguchi replies. Hitoka comes around with a tray of juices and cake, just catching Yamaguchi’s statement and the glare Tsukishima sends his way.

    “I _tried_. You’re a lost cause.” Yamaguchi sort of deflates, but only sort of since Yamaguchi already seemed resigned to the fact.

    “I-I hope I can help,” Hitoka says nervously. Tsukishima seems very smart. If Yamaguchi is that bad in English that even Tsukishima can’t help him, then Hitoka may have her work cut out for her.

    The thought escapes, however; when something an elbow jabs her in the back after a very loud exclamation of, “Why can’t foreigners just learn Japanese?!” The tray in her hands goes flying as she tips forward.

    Tsukishima tries to make a hand-like ice protrusion high enough to catch the the tray. In that same moment, Hinata squawks and accidentally lets out enough wind magic to cut the hand-icicle into fractures.

    The shards fly straight into Tsukishima startled face, but Hitoka’s frantic mind had gone off with warning bells and all the plants in the living room explode with branches and roots. The magical limbs catch the ice fractures along with the tray and everything on it. Only then does Hitoka remember that she forgets to catch _herself_ and braces for impact.

    Yamaguchi scrambles to try and catch her, while the others are dumbfounded. He manages to catch her in his arms and fall backwards from the force.

    “I’m so sorry! A-are you ok?! _I’m sorry!_ ” Hitoka clambers off the dazed Yamaguchi and the roots once again burst out to stand him up-right.

    It’s only when Yamaguchi brushed himself and chuckles an “I’m ok.” is when both Hinata and Kageyama seem to recognize the situation from the muscle memory and say in unison, “Nice receive.”

    Hinata seems to lift his hand in half-a-thumbs-up, while Kageyama’s eyes gleam with a passion reserved for volleyball.

    Yamaguchi bursts out laughing while Tsukishima snaps at the two, “Is volleyball the only thing in those empty head of yours? You nearly cut my head in two.”

    “That was all Kageyama’s fault!” 

    “Was not you dumbass!”

    The three of them start, oblivious to the protruding wood curled around cutlery like a scene out of a twisted version of Beauty and the Beast. Except with two volleyballs freakazoids and one very done regular as the main lead.

    HItoka’s laughter is enough to shake her shoulders and leave her warm and breathless

    She could get used to this.

 

—

 

    Hitoka had planned to use the summer vacation to immerse herself in research about tracking magic. She wanted to try a few different spells and make a few potions to see if she could come up with anything besides all her other failed attempts. Despite the lavish plant life of Miyagi and her own personal magic, the only place that seems to have her ingredients is Saitama.

    So when they announce that the Volleyball Training Camp is at Saitama, of all places, Hitoka can’t help but feel it’s too good to be true.

    “Are you sure Yamaguchi-kun?! Are you sure they said Saitama?!”

    “I-I’m sure! You can even ask Shimizu-senpai!”

    What Hitoka does do is consult the internet to see if it’s possible for a spike in good fortune to cause her life to end horribly. She finds that it’s possible, but it’s more likely that she’s been blessed by a luck spirit or some lucky person shared some of theirs with her.

    “K-Kiyoko-san.” Hitoka approaches her senpai when they’re alone in the changing room and Kiyoko turns her full attention on her.

    “Is there someone on the team blessed by a luck spirit? I-Isn’t that cheating?!”

    Kiyoko smiles at her. Hitoka feels like she’s been blessed by a goddess.

    “It isn’t, as long as they control their gift and it isn’t one of the players,” She answers mystically, pulling on a clean white shirt. She turns to Hitoka again after she slips on her glasses. “I hope you didn’t mind me sharing some luck with you. You seemed very distressed and I wanted to help. Are you bothered by it?”

    If it was possible to faint from gratefulness, then Hitoka might have managed to do so in that moment.

    “T-thank you! Thank you so much for sharing your gift with me! I hope it isn’t a burden on you! I don’t know much about people blessed with luck. I hope it’s just extra luck and not your luck that you gave me, not that I’m not grateful, but it would be horrible if I was taking your luck. I’m so sorry if I am—.”

    “Hitoka-chan.” Kiyoko squeezes her shoulder and blesses Hitoka with another smile, “It isn’t. I made this luck and you’re very welcome.”

    Hitoka is left wondering if she’d spent all her luck just finding the team, because there’s no way she’d find something as wonderful as this even in her wildest dreams.

 

—

 

    “Hitoka?”

    She looks up from her unpacked bags. “Yes?”

    “Can you come here for a second?”

    Hitoka stops packing and quickly answers her mother’s call. Their relationship had grown leaps and bounds ever since, well, ever since _Hinata_. She had never thought that speaking of her worries to the boy would lead to scene straight out of a shounen manga. Nor did she expect that that would rekindle the connection between her and her mother.

    She really wishes she’ll be able to express her gratitude towards him. Especially since he unwittingly returned something she’d lost earlier in life. She wants to help him make peace with Kageyama after their terrifying fight, but she isn’t sure where to start.

    “Yes, mama?”

    Madoka sits with her legs up on the plush chair of the living room, holding a mug of coffee. She smiles at Hitoka when she appears. “Come sit here. I want to talk to you about something.”

    Madoka blinks in surprise at the speed Hitoka sits herself at the couch by her side.

    Hitoka isn’t going to waste a moment for a chance to have a real genuine talk with her mother. It’s been years since they had any kind of mother-daughter talk or any type of _girl talk_. Hitoka strains her cheeks from smiling so hard, because it was her mother who initiated it too. She might stay smiling forever if this goes on.

    “What did you want to talk about?” Hitoka asks.

    Her mother stays silent and brings the mug to her lips. There’s a faraway look in her eyes. Hitoka can only hope her mother hasn’t changed her mind about talking.

    “I haven’t…” Madoka says, “I haven’t been the best mom, Hitoka— don’t even _think_ about protesting. I’ve been a bad mom these past few years and it’s the hard truth.”

    Hitoka closes her mouth to respect Madoka’s wishes despite her very real need to protest and waits for her to go on. Madoka’s grip on the cup turns her knuckles white.

     “Even though I’ve been a bad mom, not being around much lately — if at all. _Somehow_ you’ve grown to be a strong, independant woman—.”

    Hitoka… is a strong, independant woman? Her mother; _her mama_ thinks she’s strong and independent? Where… where is this strong Hitoka her mother sees? Hitoka certainly doesn’t. All she sees is a coward, a _pathetic_ fool that isn’t even able to make a single tracking spell work and—.

    “I-I’m not strong mama!” Hitoka bursts out, straightening up and wiping furiously at the tears staining her cheeks. The plants surrounding them grow haphazardly as Hitoka’s magic is unsettled.

    ”I’m not! T-there’s nothing about me that’s _strong_!” She shakes her head and jerks her head downwards, towards her fingers balled on her lap.

    Madoka frowns and and tilts her head up to stare Hitoka down, the lines of her face hard.

    “Oh really? Was what you said in the train station a lie then?”

    Hitoka buckles under her mother’s stare but doesn’t give her any ground. “N-no! Of course not!”

    If it wasn’t for Hinata, there’s no way she’d ever been able to do that. It was due to Hinata and his presence that she was even able to confront Madoka. It wasn’t anything Hitoka could have ever done alone. It wasn’t her strength she had used; it was Hinata’s.

    Hitoka depends on other’s strength to solve her problems. She isn’t independent.

    Her mother doesn’t stop there. Madoka goes on, her voice firm and unforgiving, her gaze unwavering.

    “Wasn’t it you who stopped your friends from hurting each other? Or was that a lie too?”

    It takes a moment to register in Hitoka’s mind. She’d told her mother about Hinata and Kageyama’s fight and how scary it had been and how she’d rushed to call Tanaka before it could escalate any further. She hadn’t been able to stop it in any way. She was too scared to do anything. She had to lean on someone else to help her friends.

     “I-I didn’t do anything! I just ran out to find someone, and if Tanaka-san hadn’t been there then they would have—”

    “Who designed the donation poster for the volleyball team?”

    That has nothing to do with strength and Takeda-sensei had helped her with that—

     “Who went to Karasuno, applied, filled out all the paperwork, and went to the entrance exam alone?”

    Hitoka had done that. But she’d been terrified out of her wits and she was so shaken that day. It was a huge leap out of her comfort zone, certainly nothing Hitoka could do on a daily basis—

     “Who cooks, Hitoka? Who cleans? Who does the laundry and washes the dishes and wipes the floors and waters the plants? Tell me, Hitoka.”

     Hitoka doesn’t do all that alone. Her mother and her take turns. Sure she does her mother’s part most of the time, but that’s because her mother comes back from work late most of the time. Hitoka knows she’s tired, so she wants to do something to get the load off her mother’s back. Hitoka has the time to do so too so it isn’t like she’s taking a burden from the extra work—

    “Who hasn’t given up on finding her father after all these years?”

    Slowly, Hitoka meets Madoka’s eyes. Her cheeks are smeared with tears and smudged mascara, and her breathing has started to hitch. Madoka looks away and puts her mug down to wipe away the mess.

    Hitoka rushes to grab a tissue for her mother from the kitchen, if only to give herself something to do.

    “You’re too smart for me Hitoka,” Madoka says as she takes it and blows her nose rather loudly. Hitoka gives her mother the packet and it’s only after a few more blows does Madoka speak again, “It’s true, Hitoka, everything you wrote in your diary is true.”

    Hitoka’s momentarily mortified, because _oh my god my mom reads my diary, oh my god that’s so embarrassing!_

    Her mom sends her a wan smile and balls the used tissue in her hands. “We never told you this before Hitoka, but your father was a selkie.”

    “W-what?” Her papa was a… a _selkie?_

    “Someone stole his pelt one day,” Madoka begins, never looking away from Hitoka, “and when he went looking for it… he disappeared.”

 

—

 

    “Yachi-san! Are you ready for the camp? There’s gonna be so many powerhouses there! It’s gonna be so awesome!” Hinata bounds into the gym and stops short, while Kageyama just walks on.

    “Yachi-san?”

    “Oh, Hinata-kun.” Hitoka wakes from her reverie and sends him a smile. “I’m sure it’s going to be great.”

    “Are you alright Yachi-san?”

    Kageyama turns to look at them after putting his bag on the ground. “Did your all-over-place movements hit Yachi-san in the face?”

    “It didn’t Bakayama! And I’m not all-over-the-place!” Kageyama grunts his disbelief, but lets his grumpy gaze linger on the two before yawning.

    “Don’t mind him Yachi-san, he’s just being a jerk,” Hinata grumbles, his shoulders drooping.

    Hitoka takes the lull in the conversation to double check the supply bag. Spare water-bottles and energy-juice-mix, check; spare towels, they don’t need much, but check. All set.

    When she looks up again, Hinata seemed to be looking at something over her shoulders, his movements jumpy like he can’t stand still. He still hadn’t left for the bus. Kageyama seemed to have left in the span of time it took her to double-check their belongings. Why did they come to the gym in the first place?

    “Yachi-san—”

    “Hitoka-chan.” Kiyoko walks up to them and offers a small smile to both of them, “We’re getting on the bus, come on.” She turns to Hinata. “You too, Hinata-kun.”

    Hitoka tells Kiyoko she’ll be right there just after she checks she has everything, and when the older girl walks away, she turns to Hinata and asks, “What were you saying, Hinata?”

    “O-oh, nothing! It was nothing!”

    Hitoka finds that disconcerting and almost asks Hinata if there’s something wrong but closes her mouth at the last second. She’s sure he’s fine.

    He was all excited a moment ago.

    The bus is loaded up with all the members of Karasuno Volleyball team and sets off for Saitama and their last training camp. Most of them fall asleep in the next hour, but Hitoka’s mind reels with all the possible outcomes of this trip, especially the one concerning finding a clue about her papa.

    Technically she hopes to find a step in the right direction but any outcome would be welcome. There are a few rivers in Saitama that are rumored to have selkies swimming around in them, so if they do pass by anything of the sort maybe she can ask if they’ve ever heard of her father.

    “Hey Yachi-san!” He greets, startling Hitoka out of her thoughts, she hadn’t noticed him sliding in beside her. He slaps a hand on his mouth, realizing that most everyone in the bus was sleeping. She thinks she hears Kageyama snore in response. After a few tense minutes pass where they wait for anyone disturbed to complain, Hitoka lets out a nervous chuckle followed by Hinata’s breathy laugh. It soon gives way into silence.They watch the scenery fly by and the moonlight filtering through the windows.

    Up ahead, Coach Ukai and Professor Takeda were whispering. Hitoka couldn’t hear, but she thought it was small talk and idle chatter, anything to keep sleep at bay. She could pick up the faint traces of coffee downwind of the adults.

    She turns towards Hinata’s keen gaze. He’d folded his arms on his lap, along with his balled-up jersey jacket. His face was red. She imagined it was from the cold, but she never really knew with Hinata. He might have found the briskness of it refreshing, just like she did.

    “Can’t sleep?” She asks.

    “Yeah, I’m too excited.” Hinata slumps in his seat and turns his body towards her. Their faces are close. Hitoka notices the warm brown color of his eyes.

    “How about you?” He asks.

    “I’ve got a lot of things in my mind, Hinata-kun.” Hitoka can’t help but feel she sounds cold and wants to retract her statement. However, Hinata doesn’t and instead prods her with a curious look filled with genuine interest.

    “Like what?”

    She adjusts her position on the chair. Using her arms as sort of a makeshift pillow.

    “Like...”

    Like finding her father, dealing with her mother’s words, locating a place for herself in this world, maybe even finding her soulmate; she can even add her future duties as club manager to the list, what with the third years leaving by the end of the year. She also wants to rekindle her old friendship with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima to a better extent.

    But more than anything, she really wants some closure for her missing dad. Anything that will give her peace for everything that happened after he disappeared. So there are a lot of answers to Hinata’s _like what_. The problem is which one to divulge.

    He kneads his eyebrows together in anticipation.

    “Like...” Should she even divulge her worries to him? She mentally asks the metal rack overhead. It held nothing but the sport bag of supplies. Wouldn’t the knowledge burden him? They’re her own personal demons. Does she really want to unleash them on someone as bright and cheerful as Hinata?

    Her head whips to face him, the words on her tongue ready to tell him not to worry about it, but the genuine look of curiosity on his face throws her off again.

    “Yachi-san,” Hinata’s eyes bore into his, the same ones which asked her if there needed to be a reason for him to not want to lose. “Are you ok?”

    “I—” Hitoka has never told anyone about her dad. She hasn’t even told Yamaguchi. She’s too afraid of the possibility of rejection to ask for any type of help, even something as simple as assuaging her worries.

    She’s never told anyone. Never.

    “I-I don’t know.” Hitoka’s fists ball into her shirt. “I don’t know if I’m o-ok.” The night doesn’t look so peaceful anymore. The trees that the bus passed by looked like claws snatching up the moon. The sky, a dark void.

    What she really wants to say is lodged deep into her throat, but what she’s able to say seems to give Hinata some sort of idea.

    “I-I’m worried about some... something.”

    “Why are you worried?” He reaches a hand through the gap between them. It limply lands on the handrest. “Is it something bad?” 

    “N-no! It’s not like that. I mean...” Hitoka feels her throat constrict.

    She’s so worried about what will happen if she does tell Hinata to actually think of something else to say. What if he thinks it’s stupid or silly or even worse, what if he tells someone else? She has to perish that thought before she rips her already frayed nerves.

    “I-I’m worried I won’t find this plant I was going to give my mom for her birthday.”  Lying gives her momentary relief but she knows she’ll feel horrible later. She just can’t do it. She can’t tell anyone.

    Despite the pain her white lie causes her, Hitoka is surprised to gain something from it.

    “Oh! I know someone who can help!”

    He looks away, and gazes excitedly at the ceiling.

    “Nekoma’s setter, Kenma, is really, _really_ good at tracking magic. You should see all these ancient games he’s got!  I bet he could help you! I’ll ask him for you!”

    Hinata grins brightly at her and Hitoka is stunned silent. When she thinks about the moment she decided to lie and, later on, the big smile on Hinata’s face when he knew he could help her in a way, Hitoka sort wishes she had told him the truth.

 

—

    The gym is relatively silent with idle chatter amongst the players, who were either outside with leftover watermelons or sitting on the wooden floor. It’s the lull between the main training and the more personal and specialized ones of the players.  
Kozume’s leaning against the gym walls, hunched over his PSP playing MonHun 3. At least, that’s what Hinata tells Hitoka. His oddly dyed hair is draped around his face and Hitoka can’t see his eyes.  
The console stays in Kozume's hands when he peers up at them.  
  
    Hinata makes a quick introduction for both of them, making Hitoka sound like the martyr that saved that volleyball club with her skills in editing; while Kozume turned out to be some sort of descendant of Hercules that uses the bones of bloodhounds to track down his enemies.  
  
    Kozume mutters a quiet _Shouyo_ and Hitoka flounders a bit behind him. Hinata, ever bright and ever oblivious, walks through the bush immediately.  
  
    "So Yachi-san is looking for this plant for her mom and she said she can only find it here in Tokyo but since she doesn't really know the area around here, I thought you could help her with magic!"  
  
    Kozume studies Hinata momentarily before taking a peek Hitoka way. He looks back at Hinata as he asks, "...what plant?"  
  
    "It's a— uh, um,"  
  
    "It's hyssop." Hitoka helps. She'd never actually told Hinata what she was looking for.  
  
    Kozume eyes her for the first time and Hitoka pales a bit under his stare. She doesn't want to divulge anymore information than necessary because she just can't. She can steer Hinata away from suspicions with half a truth and a little white lie but she doesn't if Kozume will take the knowledge of her tracking down a tracking plant with a grain of salt or not.  
  
    Kozume turns to Hinata again and just as he's opens his mouth, a voice rings out.  
  
    "Hinata! We're playing another three on three. You in?"  
  
    And Hinata is across the court before the person even finishes, completely disregarding the fact he left two strangers alone together. Hitoka isn't sure if it's a blessing or a curse as she fidgets and rings her fingers together.

    On one hand, it may be easier for her to gain knowledge directly about tracking magic without the lie of a gift for her mother. On the other hand, she doesn't know Kozume and admitting she had lied to a complete stranger to their mutually shared friend isn't much of a first impression.

    Still Hitoka can make it like Hinata had misunderstood her request and maybe she could—

    "...You don't need hyssop. You need something else... I think."  
  
    Hitoka blinks owlishly as Kozume hides his face behind his hair again.  There's some heat in her cheeks at being caught but there's also a part of Hitoka that's glad it's worked out this way.  
  
    "I... T-That's..." Despite her relief though, she still finds it difficult to admit to the lie. And embarrassing. Really, really embarrassing. It's a long minute of blubbering before she admits defeat.

    "You're right. I... I'm trying to find something... b-but my magic isn't really working."  
  
    Hitoka suddenly remembers that she’s kind of admitting to lying to Hinata and she hadn't even apologized about it. She immediately backpedals.

    "I d-didn't mean to lie to Hinata! He, He misunderstood me and I didn't have the chance to correct him! B-but that's putting the blame on him when it's really my fault for not trying hard enough and I'm just so sorry!"  
  
    Kozume blinks owl-like and Hitoka apologizes again for taking up his precious times and nearly flees the scene before Kozume says, "Shouyou can be too much sometimes."

    And then Kozume gets shifty eyes again before he adds, "I can... help you a little. With the magic. I can give you a few tips. If you want."  
  
    It's Hitoka's turn to be stunned. Kozume had already forgiven her for deceiving Hinata and was also offering to help her despite it all?  
  
    She still doesn't register the though even after she and Kozume exchange mail addresses and he tells her he'll email the list of helpful things soon. It's when he asks her to stop calling him 'Kozume-san' does she sober up with a fluster, despairing between disobeying her senior and calling a boy by his first name. The former wins out by a minuscule margin. The winning factor being this amazingly nice, forgiving senpai who promised to give her tips on tracking magic.  
  
    How can Hitoka be so lucky to find all these nice people?

  
  
—

  
    The volleyball Kageyama sets misses the precariously placed water bottle by a mile and, with frustrated shout, another rain cloud joins the swirling mess of black curling at the top of the gymnasium.  Hitoka has long since used her magic to grow herself a leaf big enough to pass as an impromptu umbrella. The first shower of water had taken her as quite a shock. She had _eeped_ so loud Kageyama had actually stopped practising in surprise.

    “Yachi-san—”

    “I’m fine! It’s just a little water! I’m fine, really!”

    Kageyama peers at her for a long moment before grumbling something incoherent under his breathe and then asking her to throw him the next ball.

    It’s after that does Hitoka grow her leafy umbrella while the storm continues to grow, the growing frustration of one Kageyama Tobio the harbinger of it all. They’re pelted with rain a few times, Hitoka saved by her leaf and Kageyama by his natural efficiency to weather manipulation. She tries to encourage Kageyama but it mostly falls on deaf ears and after one particular bout of heavy rain that nearly blows Hitoka down, she musters up enough courage to say, “K… Kageyama-kun! I think you should take a break!”

    Hitoka can physically _see_ the protest in his eyes as he whirls on her but something must stop him when he takes sight of her and her pitiful leaf.

    “...Fine.”

 

    Kageyama sits himself against a wall and a tiny cloud follows over his head as all his facial features grow hard under his scowl. There’s a light rain commencing and Hitoka walks carefully through the wet floors of the gym to sit near Kageyama.

    Hitoka really wants to help both him and this team in any way she can but she’s never been good at giving advice. It was always her who has needed advice and taken it from different people and never was it the other way around. She racks her brain for a guidance given to her in any of her predicaments that may have a sliver of resemblance to Kageyama but she comes up short. Hitoka lets own her own sigh of disappointment, much softer than Kageyama but with just as much feeling, before she turns Kageyama’s way to ask if he wants something to drink.

    She ends up giggling her cheeks off when she finds Kageyama glaring up at the cloud above his head as the sunlight from the window shines on the rain drops, making a very tiny rainbow.

    Kageyama faces her, a frown on his lips. “Why are you laughing?”

    Her nerves are quick to tell her she may have offended him but the sight of Kageyama Tobio pouting at a rainbow was funnily adorable.

    “I’m s-sorry, Kageyama-kun, I didn’t mean to l-laugh!” She breathes in between giggles. Kageyama huffs and looks away from her as he goes back to his brooding.

    “Stupid Hinata and his stupid ideas…”

    Hitoka thinks that a tad mean but she doesn’t voice her thoughts. Hinata had been nothing but helpful to her these past few days and all Hitoka can do in gratitude is pray with all her might that his and Kageyama’s new move works out sooner rather than later. She doesn’t even have words to help them, just hopeful prayers.

    A grumbling sound breaks the silence and Hitoka watches Kageyama blink at his stomach before resting a hand on it and stating, “I’m hungry.”

    Hitoka hides her giggle behind a hand this time.

    “Come on, Kageyama-kun.” She stands up and brushed off her pants, smiling his way, “I’m sure the cafeteria is still open.”

    Kageyama trails behind her as they head to the cafeteria. Hitoka grabs three meat buns from the kitchens and hands two of them to Kageyama with a smile.

    “Here you go.”

    Kageyama stares at her face long enough for Hitoka to fear they’re way be something weird or dirty stuck on there, but Kageyama makes no comment besides taking the bread and muttering a soft, “Thanks.”

    They eat in silence, Kageyama inhaling his bread while Hitoka takes nimble bites. Soon Kageyama finds his hand empty of more food and leaves them hanging limply by his sides.

    “Yachi-san, is there something wrong with my form?”

     Hitoka’s eyes boggle. Kageyama is asking her for volleyball advice? About his form? _Her?_

    “It looks fine to me...?” Probably. Hitoka has no idea there was even a form Kageyama was trying to use while tossing. How is she supposed to know if it was a good one or not?

    “But it’s not working!” Kageyama shouts, startling her, “I must be doing something wrong.”

    The only piece of advice she may be able to give Kageyama on something this volleyball-related is by using the only side of the problem she personally relates to and flipping it around. Which is why she says, “Maybe you’re just thinking about it too much.”

    When Kageyama gives her his full attention and Hitoka realizes he wants her to go on, she clamps up slightly but still steels herself to keep going, “S-sometimes, no matter how much you think about solving a problem, you just can’t do it. When that happens, you should take a break and try to distract yourself from thinking about it. When you come back to it later, you m-might find a solution easier.”

    Hitoka breathes and decides to add one last statement, “You can’t think straight when you’re brain is filled with too many thoughts. A-at least, I can’t. I’m not sure about you though. Maybe just take a small break? I-I’m not very sure.”

    After Kageyama’s eye linger way too long and Hitoka’s just about to start apologizing when he looks away and stares at his hand. “Take a break?”

    Hitoka nods quickly, “Y-yes! A break! You might be able to see your problem from a different perspective afterwards. Maybe. I think.”

    Kageyama stands up suddenly and for some reason there’s added fire in his eyes as he closes his fist before he jerks his head towards her.

    “Yachi-san!”

    “Y-yes?!”

    “I’m going to take a break,” he declares, abruptly standing up and walking off. He pauses at the door, throws a “thanks” over his shoulder and marches off. 

    Hitoka isn’t sure whether to feel worried about how much stomping went into the ‘break’ or laugh from how ridiculous it was for Kageyama to be fired up for a _break._

    She laughs.

    And, miracle of miracles, Kageyama listens to her and _does_ call it a day. The rainwater is magic-ed somewhere else. And they clean up the plastic bottles and gather all the balls into their containers before heading off to bed.

    She pulls out her cellphone before sinking into her futon. There’s a message from Kenma.

 

—

 

    Tracking magic turns to be a little less about high-end ingredients and more about imagery, intent and sensitivity. The message Hitoka receives from Kenma attests to this fact quite much. Kenma states that the most important thing wanting to find something is having both the great urge to do so and the clear image in her mind. He then explains how she needs to focus her magic on the image behind the item and try to feel out the tug it gives toward whatever she wants to find. Because his theory on tracking has nothing to do with ingredients and potions, he sends her a list of items or events that will enhance her magic in order to apply his advice.

    Most of the list contains dates where magic is particularly stronger which Hitoka has to wait for, and a number of items with the necessary properties that Hitoka has to find. The last thing on the list, the one that catches her attention, mostly because of its ambiguity to the problem at hand, is the mention of soulmates.

    According to Kenma (she’s a little skeptical if he really sent the message, because of all the emojis and out of character-ness with the amount of words in the text), soulmates enhance each other's magic greatly as it is a reunion of two halves of a soul. It makes their magic complete and stronger and much, much better for use.

    The savory smell of scrumptious meat and rumbling of her stomach groans _soulmates later, food now_.

    Hitoka spots a mouthwatering piece of meat unnoticed by everyone and rushes to it. It’s almost in her chopsticks when a burst of wind floats the meat right under her nose and then straight into the waiting mouth of a mammoth in front of her. Hitoka almost cries as he swallows it down with such fervor, oblivious to her dilemma.   

 _I’m so hungry._ Hitoka tries another piece a little ways off to the first one but before she can take it, three other pairs of chopsticks stab in and begin a tug of war. Hitoka shakes as she rushes away from the giants. Where is the Karasuno grill when you need it?

    Hitoka tentatively turns towards the vague direction of her Volleyball club and finds them huddled around the grill, as if they’re defending against a rival team. There is no war, but there is no meat either. No visible meat anyway.

    Thin slices of newly browned beef and pork get snatched away at the speed of light (some with actual light magic as a few guys use it to blind their friends). Hitoka’s left gaping like a fish-out-of-water. She barely takes a step, and all the meat is already replaced with a new batch.

    Maybe she can track her meat?

_Imagery, imagery, imagery._

    Think juice. Juice dripping off from between the muscle. The sizzling flesh. The thin crust of caramelized spices on the surface, the crunchiness of this surface as it gives way to the force of her teeth.The aromatic smoke that rivals actual taste.

    Her stomach wails like whale-out-of-plankton as she pulls her paper plate close to her chest. Using magic when she’s this hungry is beyond exhausting but hopefully she can try out this new technique. She holds the image in her mind and lets her magic run freely, trying to feel a tug.

_Just a bit more._

    Rosemary and thyme rubbed between cuts. Crusty and spicy outside, soft and tender inside.

    There’s a minuscule pull at her conscious and she whips her head in that direction. A sliver of meat pushed aside to the edge of the grill.

_There!_

    Hitoka is sure that if Hinata were there to see, no, even if Kageyama was there, they would have praised her lightning reflexes. Her mouth waters at the heat, and she graciously chews through the crunch… of charcoal.

    It tastes like failed dreams and bad memories.

    “H-hey are you alright?”

    “It tastes like life.” Hitoka rolls the meat inside her mouth. “I’m ok.”

    Hitoka doesn’t notice the crowd of worried titans circling around her with cups of water in their hands, worried that she might choke on her charred piece of meat.

    A chill runs down her spine as the tender morsel safely travels down her esophagus. Hitoka is surrounded by titans. Every which way she looks, she finds some part of a giant blocking her path to freedom. Her knees buckles together as she shakes. She had only wanted a bit of meat. She’s never wanted to die by cannibalism.

    A hand is on her forearm and Hitoka jams her eyes shut in hopes it will end quickly as she pulled into the titans.

    Minutes later, when she realizes she’s still intact and thankfully not in someone’s jaw, she cracks open one eye and finds one concerned Yamaguchi Tadashi.

    “Yachi-san, are you ok?”

    Hitoka realizes she had actually been pulled through the forest of giants by the knightly Yamaguchi and she’s just so glad she’s earned the right to live another day, she forgets proper etiquette as she beams misty-eyed and says, “Yes! Sorry to inconvenience you, Tadashi-kun!”

    Yamaguchi’s face flares red.

    “O-oh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry—.”

    “It’s ok, Yachi-san! Really! It’s f-fine.” Yamaguchi rubs the back of his neck as his face slowly turns back to his normal color. However, there’s a little pink left over as adds, “You used to call me that, remember? S-so it’s ok if you still do.”

    Hitoka gets way more flustered than when Kenma had asked her the same _,_ but this time, they’re both first years so she vehemently declines.

    “I could never! It’s— It’s too embarrassing!”

    Yamaguchi chuckles and Hitoka has the suspicion it’s a bit empty but doesn’t point it out.

    “Do you want to eat with me and Tsukki? You looked really lost over there, “ he asks her a moment later and Hitoka is already nodding before he finishes.

    Yamaguchi leads her to a set of stairs where both Tsukishima and Kenma sit without food. Yamaguchi had insisted he’d acquire a plate for her and Hitoka swears his eyebrows had nearly been singed off from the magic steam of one very energetic Bokuto Koutarou. He had gotten her the plate stacked with glorious meat in the end though so Hitoka vigorously bows to him several times as she holds out her hands like a starved gaki. Hinata should call Yamaguchi the martyr of the volleyball club with all the dodging he had to do to get her some food.

    Tsukishima nods her way and slides to the side to make room for the both of them. Hitoka finally tastes her first piece of joy and thanks Yamaguchi for existing all over again.

    “Really! It was nothing, Yachi-san!”

    Tsukishima must have seen some of the acrobatics Yamaguchi had went through to obtain the food which leads him to say, “You fought off Bokuto-san for those. I think you should be awarded.”

    Yamaguchi brightens a bit at that, “I didn’t _fight_ him. I just maybe used some magic to send him the other way.”

    Hitoka again feels horrible for letting someone else use their magic for her needs and she’s quick to apologize again.

    “Yachi-san, _really_ , it’s fine, you shouldn’t—,” Yamaguchi shuts his mouth at the last moment but then decides to continue anyway, “If… if  you want to thank me, isn’t it better to say ‘thank you’ instead of ‘sorry’?”

    “I’m sor—,” Hitoka catches herself midway and realizes the truth behind Yamaguchi’s words. The realization strikes her quite hard. She does do that; apologize in gratitude instead of thanking in gratefulness. She had never thought to thank for good work. She had always apologized for burdening. Never had she done that the opposite way around.

    She still wants to say sorry, the letters are stuck to the tip of her tongue but she decides this time, she’ll be different.

    “Thank you, Yamaguchi-kun.”

    He smiles at her, bright and happy.

    “Huh, well aren’t you a smooth one, eh Yamaguchi?” Hitoka jumps a bit at Tsukishima’s interjection and remembers that they aren’t alone despite feeling that way.

    Tsukishima has a downright _evil_ smirk on his face and even _Kenma_ is looking their way. Hitoka feels a little embarrassed to be scolded for negativity in front of two other people and feels a heat spread on her cheeks.

    “T-Tsukki! Stop doing that!”  

    Hitoka has never heard Tsukishima sound so _alive_. He smirkingly asks, “Doing what exactly?”

    “That! T-That face!”

    “Are you going to pull another smooth one-liner and make me?”

    “ _T-Tsukki!_ ”

    Hitoka feels weepy at the exchange and yet it is a happy sort of weepy. They’re the same; Tsukishima and Yamaguchi are the same as they were as kids and Hitoka is overjoyed she can be  their friend again.

 

—

 

    The late August breeze cools the sweat behind Hitoka’s bare knees. She squints at the bright digital letters of her cellphone’s screen as she tries to confirm that today is a good night for tracking magic.

    Out on the street, Hitoka had a clear view of the pre-dawn sky. It was dark and overcast, what visible stars there were twinkled faintly through the gaps in the clouds. She wasn’t sure if it was a full moon tonight, but the text message on her cellphone said so.

    August 18th: the Sturgeon Moon, the Red moon.

 _I highly recommend you track on this day._ Kenma had texted. Probably. She still can’t be sure over all the emoticons, if it is really him.

    But out on the street opposite the closed Sakanoshita Store, with the glaring glow of her cellphone and some dried mugwort stuffed in her short-pockets didn’t make her feel like she was going to track something. If anything, it felt like she was going to be grounded. There were texts from her mother she’s too chicken to read. She had set her phone on silent to quell her tingling nerves.

    She closes and stuffs it into the mugwort-less pocket. She has to concentrate. Even if she can’t see the full moon, she has to believe that Kenma knows his tracking stuff. Despite the fact he’d never probably used it to find a person.

    And she does.

    She leans on a wall and breathes deeply. Kenma had told her that imagery and wanting were better tools than any herb when it came to tracking. She closes her eyes and hugs her backpack to her chest.

    The soft rumble of a car engine is loud in Hitoka’s ears. She inhales. She imagines the low light of distant stores, twinkling like manmade stars. The mugwort prickles through the fabric and at her skin. She’s aware that this is weird. This being on a late summer night with her hugging an almost empty backpack like a lifeline and suspicious herbs tied around her wrists and hair. Her body feels like jelly from tracking all night. It already feels like she’s drawing blood when she’s using magic. A sharp pain pierces her chest, heavy stones weigh on her stomach.

 

 _Focus._ Hitoka exhales a shuddering breath. _Empty your mind._

 

    Quiet. All is blank, for a moment. Then, the soft static of a distant radio.

    The breeze is chilly, just like that night on her father’s lap. When they watched the glass chime tinkle after dinner. The faint slosh of water, it was her mother in the bath. Washing away the sweat from a day’s work at the guild.

    She watched the light reflect off of her father’s glasses. Black and thick-rimmed, it was soft around the edges; so unlike Tsukishima’s. Her father had put it down beside him, and, bare-faced, watched the full moon with his daughter across his lap.

    In the light, she now recalls, her father looked pale and cold; but she knew that his sun-kissed skin was warm, always warm.

    This wasn’t imagery, it was a memory.

    That night, she traced the lines of Ren’s palms. Poked at the rough skin of his knuckles that always seemed dry. She smiled as he told her stories of his favorite beach — the shoreline where he met Madoka.

    She knew he was smiling as well. The kind of slow smile that didn’t stretch his cheeks, but made crow’s feet at the edge of his eyes. She knew what it was.

    His voice was deep and breathy, every sentence seemed to crash over rocks. She now knows that his voice sounded more husky than hoarse.

    Hitoka understands, that sometimes, he smelt like the sun and the wind. That maybe she felt the blue of the ocean and the salty waters when she was with him, because he wanted to see them too.

    That night, the fish pond was just a concept. A joke he told Madoka when she had found him telling Hitoka their love story again.

_I saw your mother, Hitoka, and I swear that the ocean stormed because it knew that I had found home._

_We can always go to Onagawa, papa._

    His brown-eyes looked playful in the half-light.

_We could._

    A tug at her heartstrings throws Hitoka’s eyes open. She’s back outside the air suddenly hot and sticky, something’s tugging at her beating heart.

    She knows where to go. She’s imagined the way there from her high school millions of times, she’s sure she won’t get lost. Her father’s smile is burning in her mind’s eye, and want is drowning out her fear. Anything. _Anything_ , just to see him again.

    The streets looked both familiar and foreign in the darkness, she’s never seen them at this time of day. Houses she’s never seen before stood in corners she doesn’t remember were there.

    She passes by Tsukishima’s house, she glances at the the cherry blossom and it’s furiously green canopy. She sees the roof of Yamaguchi’s house when she turns a corner. From her location, it looks brown — just like his eyes.

    She arrives at the street leading to home. Her doubt stops her at the kerb. She places a hand on a lamp post for support. There’s the pull, strong and sure and fearless. The magic doesn’t lie, at least it shouldn’t. At this point, Hitoka doesn’t know what to believe in, so she takes a step again. Nevermind that she had lied to her mother, that she’d been ignoring her vibrating phone. She’s so close, so close to finding some truth. 

    The first thing she sees is the tree she had planted now tall and kingly. Then she sees morning glories crawling over the metal fence. She comes closer and she doesn’t see the gap in the shrubbery she liked to hide in.

    Her stomach churns, she suddenly feels like she had done something wrong; like she’s doing something she shouldn’t be. A memory pushes to the forefront of her mind, a memory of tears that weren’t hers. The magic suddenly drags her forward, she skins her knees on the pavement. The spell impatiently coursed through her veins and her memories tangle together.

_We… were soulmates._

    Wave after wave of images blinds her mind’s eye as Hitoka’s dragged to the front of the gate. The garden is well kept, it’s garden light is on. The house is occupied. Her hands shake. This used to be her home.

_He didn’t walk away… it didn’t hurt, not like this._

    Her knees almost give way.

_Please._

    Her struggles against the gravity of the magic knocks over the nearby garbage can. It crashes to the ground as Hitoka holds on to the metal fence. It lasts only for a few seconds, but the crash is deafening to her heightened senses. Her ears ring, and she shuts her eyes against the flooding light from her former home.

    The memories hadn’t stopped.

    The door creaks open and someone yawns. There’s a heavy pause.

    “Yachi-san?”

_Hitoka._

    She raises her head at the sound of her name. It feels like she’s been punched in the gut.

    “Kageyama-kun...” Is standing in the doorway of her old house; her old _home_ . He’s just so confused to see her standing at the end of _his_ walkway with plants tangling around her limbs and a backpack much too big for an early start to school.

    There’s a fire in Kageyama’s eyes. Hitoka has to admit, that with his back to the light, Kageyama looked different. Dressed in a dark worn shirt and an equally dark pair of sweats, he looked like a wraith hiding in the dark. She shudders as goosebumps rise on her skin.

    He drags a hand across his forehead. “What the hell are you doing here?” he demands, “It’s still not time for school and—” He leans back in for a moment and then looks at her even more confused and upset than he was before “—It’s four in the morning, Yachi-san.”

    She whimpers as silently as she can. She can’t think straight, not now. She’s started seeing double. There’s more than one Kageyama, more than one clenching jaw, and more than two pairs of brooding blue eyes. She’s not even sure if it’s Kageyama standing there as the objects blur into each other.

    “I... I, um, I was j-just—”

    She’s too caught up holding back the waterworks and trying to see straight to speak.

    One of the Kageyamas _tsks_ and suddenly there’s only one in front. He throws open the gate and grabs her hand.

    “K-kageyama-kun.”

    He’s silent as he pulls her away from the vines and drags her inside. Even though she’s enveloped in darkness, she still sees too much.

    She thinks she’s brought into the gekkan and she feels the pressure on her hand subside. She hears a door slam and a lock turning and then just as her knees start to wobble, she’s blinded with a sudden light. There are three Tsukishimas pressing into a different part of her arm with a something wet and ticklish. There’s a Yamaguchi who dabbles something at her collarbone, and then it’s a Hinata tracing on her forehead and right after he removes his hand, she can see again.

    Hitoka is sitting on the floor, pinned between a livid Kageyama and the cold wall. He has a marker in one hand and her arm in another. He unceremoniously drops her arm and jams the cap back on the pen. 

    “I’m going back to sleep.” He declares, unhinging his stiff jaw slowly with each word. He holds her gaze aggressively. “And you’re going to sleep too. And then we… we’ll t... _talk_ about this later. There’s practice in the morning.”

    Kageyama rises and heads straight down a hall, and disappears behind one of the rooms.

    Hitoka sits there awkwardly for the next ten minutes before realizing Kageyama wasn’t coming back. She dogs his previous steps nervously and raps once on the door. “Kageyama-kun?”

    She’s answered with a muffled snore.

    Hitoka fidgets for the longest time, unsure what to do or how to behave in the house of her friend who just fell asleep on her. It’s when she wrings her fingers does she notice the strange marking on her arm. There’s three black pentagons drawn, one on her wrist, one in the inside of her elbow and one on the inside of her shoulder. She doesn’t know what to make of them and she’s too exhausted to think about it.

    She doesn’t think it’s too intrusive if she sits down on the living room couch. It’s really comfortable and heaven for her aching muscles. She really doesn’t mean to fall asleep on it though.

 

    She’s wakes up to the smell of food. Her body feels heavy and sluggish, and she feels like she could sleep for a week. It’s a moment before she remembers she’s at Kageyama’s house and _her mom is going to kill her_.

    She leaps up off the couch with energy she didn’t know she had had and looks frantically for her phone. Something soft falls onto her feet and she nearly flails before noticing it’s a just a blanket.

    The marks on her arm are gone.

    “Yachi-san.”

    Hitoka’s shrill shriek fills the household and Kageyama blinks at her. He’s standing at the door, already in his school uniform.

    Hitoka places a hand on her chest to quell her heart. “O-oh, it’s just you Kageyama-kun.”

    Kageyama nods and, after a moment, Hitoka remembers why she had jumped in the first place.

    “Kageyama-kun! My bag! Where’s my bag?! My phone is in there!” Hitoka shivers and her teeth clatter. _Mama is gonna kill me_.

    Kageyama finally seems to understand, but what he says puts her in even more distress, “I talked to your mom.”

    “Y-you _what_?”

    “Your phone was ringing a lot and it was annoying so I answered it,” He informs her and Hitoka is already holding a funeral in her head.

    “What did she say?” She nearly whispers, already picking out the color of her coffin.

    “She told me to take you to school.” Hitoka waits for him to continue but Kageyama stays silent.

    “What else did s-she say?” Hitoka doesn’t even want to know but she has to be ready for the repercussions.

    “That’s what she told me. To take you to school.”

 _That’s it?_ Her mother hadn’t even remotely mentioned anything about her night adventure? Nothing at all?

    Hitoka will live out these last hours of her life in peace while she can.

    “I made food. You can have some.”

    Hitoka is glad the last moments of her life are with a full stomach and the knowledge that Kageyama Tobio is a phenomenal cook. He’d made _eggs_ taste like a delicacy with whatever he spiced them up with. He even made her a _bento_ . Hitoka holds it in her hands like she’d just been given a piece of heaven. She wants to _cry_ out of gratefulness that she was given not one, but _two_ opportunities to taste these wonders.

    Kageyama is ready and nearly out the door before a question Hitoka hadn’t thought to ask occurs to her and sits rather unpleasantly in her stomach.  

    “Kageyama-kun.” Hitoka is scared to ask but she’s also worried for Kageyama’s wellbeing. “Where are your parents?”

    Kageyama taps his foot on the ground to secure his shoe and eyes Hitoka ratherly apathetically. “They’re working.”

 _Working so late they don’t even come home?_ Is what Hitoka wants to say.

    “Oh... ok,” Is what Hitoka actually says.

    They walk in silence. The elephant in the room that was yesterday suddenly causing the tension to be thicker. Hitoka hopes that Kageyama might have forgot and had decided not to say anything about it but she can’t be sure. She has no idea what Kageyama even thinks about yesterday to even prepare herself for anything he might say so all she can do is clasp her fingers together and pray this will end well.

    “You..,” Kageyama begins and Hitoka wishes she could jimmy her eyes shut and close her ears so she doesn’t have to listen to any screaming or shouting or scolding or whatever is going to happen, “Yesterday, Yachi-san, you were… practising your magic?”

    Hitoka blinks owlishly, staring at the genuine question on Kageyama’s face.

_An out._

    “Yes! I was p-practising! And it got really late and I was lost and I didn’t know where to go but somehow I ended up at your house and I’m sorry for intruding but thank you for the food!”

    Hitoka bows to Kageyama numerous times, relief pooling in her chest.

    Even though it’s a mean thought, Hitoka’s never been so glad Kageyama was so dense.

 

—

 

    Everyday, Hitoka becomes slowly more and more downtrodden as none of her tracking green-light anymore clues. Stress and tension gradually ebb into her muscles and Hitoka is just _miserable_. She's done almost everything on Kenma's list — except scrying —  and yet she has no results to show for it. She is tugged more than once toward sources of water, and a few times she ends back at her old home again; however, she never gets past that. So between the 7.1 billion possibilities of a soulmate this life and her one and only father, Hitoka is starting to believe she's more likely to find the former than find even a trace of the latter.  
  
    Yamaguchi and Hinata ask about her wellbeing as often as Hinata and Kageyama argue. Almost all of the volleyball club have asked if she was alright at least once and as much as it warms Hitoka's heart for all of them to take time out of their busy schedules to ask about her, she doesn't want to burden them.  
  
    Hitoka doesn't have the luxury to think about this right now, though. She has to focus all her heart on helping her team warm up and then later cheer like her life depends on it.  
  
    "Yachi-san, sorry!"  
  
    Hitoka catches the ball that had pivoted off the ground right into her hands and holds it out to Yamaguchi with a smile a little more genuine than her late ones. "It's fine, Yamaguchi-kun. Here you go."  
  
    "Thanks." Yamaguchi takes the volleyball from her and when his fingers brush hers in the slightest, Hitoka feels a grip too tight and a sort of trembling in them. That gets her a bit worried. Had she made him more nervous earlier when she herself has been overwhelmed by the weight of his previous responsibility? Had she made it worse? She bows her head and doesn't quite look Yamaguchi in the eyes as she asks, "Yamaguchi-kun, are you alright? Do you need more stomach medicine?"  
  
    Hitoka can't see his face but she thinks the moment of pause before he speaks must be him blinking as he processes the question. Hitoka still hasn't let go off the ball, but her fingers shy towards her and away from Yamaguchi's.  
  
    "Yachi-san."  
  
    Hitoka has expected him to say her name with the weight of his resignation. She'd expected his voice to be laced with a dash of helplessness to his fate and a whole lot of worry. But he hadn't said her name like that. He'd said it the same why he'd told her he believed in her all those years ago. The exact same why filled with only belief in her capabilities; in _his_ capabilities.  
  
    Hitoka first sees his hands as she slowly looks back up to his face. It's the first time she'd seen them shine with a green-like color. A lime green but with a tint of blue in it. She's never been sure if the colors signify a mood change but she knows she's never seen this color before.  
  
    And when her glance meets his eyes filled with hope and his shaky but confident smile, Hitoka feels a bit lost and a whole lot of light-headedness.  
  
    "I'm ok," He says, a hand going to scratch his cheek, "And to be honest with you, I'm actually a little excited. Not a lot! I'm still terrified! But I am excited too. Just a little bit."  
  
    Yamaguchi takes the ball from her hands and thinks a bit before adding, "You don't have to worry so much Yachi-san. We're a strong team. And... And I'm sure if you cheer for us and s-smile, we'll be even stronger. I know it would make Nishinoya-san and Tanaka-san play ten times harder for sure," If Hitoka hadn't been so focused on Yamaguchi's words, she might've missed his quiet, "Me too."  
  
    "S-so! Don't worry, Yachi-san! I've got this. No! I mean, w-we've got this!"  
  
    Yamaguchi leaves rather quickly after that.  
  
    Hitoka is left with her speechless thoughts. She doesn't quite understand how Yamaguchi can be so... so confident. He'd told her how he'd made a horrible mistake before and that he was terrified he'd make it again. Yet in the moment; in the moment he'd told her he could do this, Hitoka could almost believe he could do anything. He was scared out of his mind about making the same mistake twice, but instead of letting that fear hold him down, he'd molded it into conviction. He'd let his fear of making a mistake drive him forward instead of driving him back. Hitoka could...  
  
    Hitoka could learn from that.  
  
    Though she should help that brown-haired boy with his ball first and then maybe save her face from a plastic surgery from that upcoming ball— _oh my god it's too fast, it's going to hit me and then I'll have to go to the hospital and maybe even do surgery oh dear god no_ —  
  
    Kiyoko is by her side in an instant and smacks that ball right out of Hitoka's face.  
  
    _A goddess, I've been saved by the act of a goddess._  
  
    "Hitoka-chan, are you alright?" Kiyoko's hand is on her shoulder as she searches her face for injury.  
  
    "No! I mean yes! Not at all! I'm sor—."  
  
    _If you want to thank me, isn’t it better to say ‘thank you’ instead of ‘sorry’?_

    "Thank you for saving my life, Kiyoko-san!"  
  
    Kiyoko chuckles. "I didn't do that much but you're welcome, Hitoka-chan."  
  
    Hitoka is just about to protest— Kiyoko had practically saved her future marriage with her act of heroism— when the whole gym goes dark and starts raining.  
  
    Actually, raining may have been an understatement. It’s _pouring_ cats and dogs on everyone, on the gymnasium, and even more on Aoba Jousai’s side of the court. Hitoka doesn't get how it's raining inside the gym until—  
  
    "Kageyama stop! You're gonna flood the gym! And then we can't play volleyball!"  
  
    Hitoka isn't sure if she should laugh when Hinata's exclamation causes the rain to stop all at once. She looks over to Kageyama getting scolded by both coaches and Sawamura; and, to her surprise, finds him staring back at _her_.  
  
    "This is all your fault you idiot! I told you to stop antagonizing him!"  
  
    "Ow, Iwa-chan! How dare you hit your captain before a match!"  
  
    The sudden commotion on Aoba Jousai’s side of the court has her tearing her gaze away from Kageyama's and witnessing a skit that reminds her a little too much of Kageyama and Hinata. It has to be that which makes her laugh in the end.  
  
    The match begins after a brief recess in which the gym is dried with magic, and the magic referee gave one hell of earful to both her coaches and then to Kageyama.  
  
    Hitoka leans forward in the stands and cheers on her team like no one has ever cheered before. Maybe, just maybe, it will help them all to victory.  
  
    She never asks why Kageyama had been staring at her so intensely that day.

 

—

 

    Yamaguchi is amazing.

    He steals five points off of Seijoh all by himself as Hitoka just stares in utter awe. Five entire points are awarded to Karasuno just from Yamaguchi’s wobbly serve. Hitoka is left gobsmacked as the game tips in her team's favor.

    Volleyball after volleyball is smacked onto Aoba Jousai’s turf and her team gets closer and closer to winning.

    She’s on the edge of the rail, nearly falling if not for the grip of one Tanaka Saeko on the back of her jersey; her eyes flitting feverly wherever the ball went.

    They gain a point on Seijoh, the scoreboard glares a 25:24 point ratio in their favour.

    Kageyama tosses to Hinata. Hinata smacks the ball into the fingers of three blockers so, so much taller than him and—

    The ball ricochets off Oikawa’s arm and slams into Karasuno’s winning point.

    Hitoka is enveloped in a hug by Tanaka Saeko as she jumps up and down and squeals: They won! _We won! We did it! Tadashi did it! We won!_

    It’s only after the necessary bowing and handshaking and after the Karasuno Volleyball Club straightens up from their dog pile, does Hitoka rush from the stands to her team. Solely using noises of excitement, not unlike Hinata’s own way of expression, she tries to explain to them how amazing they were.

    “That was—! I can’t believe—! You were all so—! _You won_!”  

    Sugawara laughs while Hinata rushes to her side with authentic crowing.

    “Yachi-san, did you see me? Did you see?”

    “I did! I did! There were three blockers but you slammed the ball past them like they weren’t there! It was so cool, Hinata! You were so cool!”

    “I know! _I know!_ ”

    “And Yamaguchi-kun—” Hitoka scans her team until she lands on the boy who stole _five_ points off of Seijoh. The boy who shook with excitement instead of fear. The boy who asked only for her to smile for him to give him the strength he needed — to get his own eleventh hour power. She rushes toward him, her steps quick against the gym floor, with a smile so big her cheeks hurt.

    “Yamaguchi-kun! That was _amazing_!”

    Yamaguchi turns to face her after accepting some sort of praise from Sawamura; a hand rubbing the back of his neck. He blinks in surprise when he finds he finds her standing there, but Hitoka is too excited to notice.

    “You scored five points by yourself!” She lifts up her hand in a number five. “ I didn’t even know you could do that! It was so inspiring and cool and—! You were so cool, Yamaguchi-kun!”

    A soft glow adorns Yamaguchi’s cheeks, but his huge smile masks most of it.

    “I told you we had this.”

    “You did! You—! You did, didn’t you?” Hitoka chuckles softly. Her face warms a bit and she pokes her forefingers together. “I feel a little silly for worrying so much.”

    “It’s ok. You worry enough for the rest of the team who don’t know what nerves are,” He says and they both share a laugh.

    The next day Hitoka nearly faints from worry after five full sets against Shiratorizawa but her worry is nothing against the full-strength of her boys. Despite Shiratorizawa having more experience, Ushijima Wakatoshi the volleyball cyborg and so many talented players to match her team play for play (even that one creepy one who she accidentally locked eyes with and _winked_ at her), it’s her crows who end up winning.

    If Kageyama was able to make happy clouds then he may have made a cloud nine with the amount of happiness spreading through her team like wild fire. They have their ticket to the Inter High and Hitoka knows they won’t let it go without a war.

 

—

 

    The pale blue irises and bright orange tulips held together by a delicate white ribbon was the corsage the third years should have on their chests. Hitoka knows this because she helped the gardening club grow them. She had also made their senpais’ corsages herself, and so she was both looking forward to and dreading the moment she gets to see the corsage up close.

    Since thinking of it made Hitoka’s heart twinge and her eyes watery, she doesn’t plan on looking at them when they enter the second gym for the last time. She doesn’t know how much she can take watching people she treasures leave, so she sits on the floor opposite the door with Tsukishima at her side. Him with headphones on, and her constantly tugging the Karasuno jersey over her knees to try to warm her chilly knees.

    Everyone had opted to wear their jerseys over their uniforms despite there being no practice today.There wasn’t much point in changing into loose clothing, after all.

    The volleyball net wasn’t even set up and it looked _wrong_ to Hitoka. It felt oddly muted and bittersweet to see the volleyball club without the usual fervor that drove them to nationals too.

    Even Nishinoya’s boisterous laughter sounded small.

    Hitoka wondered if the loss at Spring High still weighed like ten-kilogram rocks.

    Sakura fluttered through the windows set high on the gym walls, almost translucent and delicate. Hitoka tracked their progress to the floor. They danced in the air, twirling carelessly, thoughtlessly —  without worry.

    Yamaguchi sighs besides her; he had rolled up his sleeves and his gakuran and jersey were bunched up in his arms. She looks up at him and they exchange a small smile. She hadn’t noticed him leave the ongoing game of volleyball passing. He offers her his jersey despite refusing vehemently to take it at first, it was now draped over her knees. She manages a small thank you and Yamaguchi’s smile eases her up.

    On the other side of the gym, Kinoshita placed a hand on Ennoshita’s shoulder, who was standing guard at the door. Narita sat on the steps to the gym, gazing out at the hallway.

    Tanaka and Nishinoya rush towards them, having given up their game. They settle into the gaps between the three. Water bottles being brought to lips before breaking into soft laughter.

    “You think Asahi-san is crying yet?” Nishinoya asks with a grin that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

    Tanaka grins back with the same vigor. “I bet my vintage AKV38 poster on it.”

    Hinata and Kageyama are oddly silent as they too sink onto the floor near them.

    In the newly found quiet they could hear the faint chorus of voices. One last hymn.

    “I… I should probably go get it,” Hitoka says, handing Yamaguchi back his jersey. Ennoshita turns at Hitoka’s statement, he gives her a firm nod.

    “Has everyone written their messages?” He asks the boys. There’s a smattering of yeses, and he beams at them, some worry leaking it’s way into his voice. “I hope they like it.”

    Hitoka comes back from the storage room with a cardboard box in her arms. She places it in the center of the court, and opens it. The boys gather around to look at their gift —  four volleyballs covered in permanent marker with messages from every member of the club. One for each of their senpais. Hitoka picks up the one for Suga and traces the messages and hefts it in the palm of her hands. There’s a drawing of something that looks like a seal, she wonders who drew it.

    “They’ll love it,” Hinata says, jumping to his feet, “Right Kageyama?”

    “Shut up, dumbass.”

    “Jerk.”

    Everyone laughs at the exchange. At least some things never change.

    “What’s all the ruckus?” The second years jump at the sound of Sawamura’s voice.

    The third years were here, diploma jackets in their hands and the blue-orange corset on their chests. Hitoka can’t help but agree with Hinata’s whispered cool. They were clad in Karasuno’s signature navy blue robes —  a sign of magical competency. Orange threading adorned the hem and sleeves, intertwined was a braided pattern in the color of their specialty. Kiyoko and Suga’s were stark white for healing; Sawamura’s, a metallic grey for mechanics; and Azumane’s, an electric blue.

    They were graduates, and they sure looked the part. Hitoka’s eyes were misting over.

    Ennoshita gives them a surreptitious look and mouths, “ _One, two…_ ”

    “Congratulations on graduating!” They cheer.

    Suga beams and smacks Azumane’s and Sawamura’s back, hard; while, Kiyoko smiles. The second years bring their senpais to the cardboard box were Hitoka stands teary-eyed.

    “We have something for you,” Ennoshita says, smiling without restraint this time.

    Sawamura lifts an eyebrow. “Oh?”

    “This better be good,” Suga says smirkingly.

    Azumane rubs at his neck. “You didn’t have to go through the trouble.”

    The underclassmen exchange a look.

    “Close your eyes, it’ll be a surprise!” Kinoshita says. Hinata nods enthusiastically. They do; and Hitoka, Nishinoya, Tanaka, and Ennoshita place the volleyball in their hands.

    “You can open your eyes now.” Ennoshita says.

    They all bow in unison and Hitoka can’t stop the tears from falling as they shout, “Thank you for everything!”

    “Y-you guys!” Azumane says into his now wet sleeves. Sawamura starts patting him on the back, as if he wasn’t tearing up himself.

    “We should be the ones thanking you,” Sawamura digs a palm into one of his eyes, “for bringing us to nationals.” Azumane starts bawling at that.

    “Aww, y-you guys don’t have to be so sentimental” Suga flings an arm over his two best friends, practically choking the both of them, “We can always come back to visit.” He laughs, but they can hear his voice cracking.

    “I… I’m happy I had the fortune to meet all of you.” Kiyoko says as she too places a hand on Sawamura’s shoulder. “Thank you, all of you.”

    Hitoka is never sure who jumps first, all she knows is Nishinoya and Hinata were suddenly hanging off the three older boys and one of them shouted, “Group hug!” right before the rest of the team joined in. Well, all of them except Tsukishima who, after a look from Sawamura and a very revolted expression, stood at the edge of the collision and patted Yamaguchi’s back once.

    Hitoka is too shy to join their manly hug of muscles and instead finds herself enveloped in a hug initiated by Kiyoko. She tries so hard not to cry into her senpai’s robe. She doesn’t want it to be dirty.

    “Hitoka-chan.” Kiyoko has her own tears on her cheeks but she still takes the time to dry Hitoka’s as she pulls away. Kiyoko gives her a smile with two wet streaks down her face, “Take care of our team, ok?”

    Hitoka nods and goes in for another hug, holding her senpai as tightly as she can. That’s a promise she’ll never, ever break. 

    She moves to pull away but squeaks right back into Kiyoko’s arms when an explosion sets off behind her. She whirls her head around to see an explosion of light and color and she can feel the magic go out of control before they’re all splattered with head to toe in paint. It’s right before that, though, the letters shimmer in the air in a million different colors; reading: _CONGRATULATIONS! THANKS FOR ALWAYS SAVING OUR ASSES!_

    Hinata cheers, Nishinoya and Tanaka share a high five and Sawamura boxes them all upside the head for vandalizing the gym.

    Same old Karasuno.

 

—

 

    The ball lands on the opposite side of the court. Kageyama lands, and wipes the sweat on his forehead. He looks at Hitoka, and she gets to picking up the nearest ball. She noticed that he had been coming early to practice than the others. Usually, this time would have been used for their magic practicals, but she chalks his presence in the gym as a sign of his magical prowess.

    Hitoka and Kageyama, were in all sense of the word alone.

    She was still  busy picking up stray volleyballs, when he approaches her.

    “Yachi-san.”

    Hitoka smiles a bit at him.

    “I…” He clears his throat. ”I need to talk to you.”

    “Give me a minute and I’ll be right there.”

    Hitoka gathers up the rest of the volleyballs while Kageyama stands stiffly to the side. He helps her after a moment, but Hitoka can’t help but noticing the thick swirling mist above his head. She places the last ball in the cart and steps towards him.

    There has to be something wrong, something bad enough that Kageyama’s control was off.

    “Kageyama-kun.” the cloud crackles with the promise of rain as Kageyama stiffens. “Is something wrong?” Hitoka asks.

    “I, uh, n… _yes_.”

    “What’s wrong? Are you sick? Does it hurt?”

    Hitoka hadn’t actually expected a positive answer as she rushes to his side and places a hand on his forehead much to Kageyama’s surprise. She places her free hand on her own forehead to compare the temperature.

    “You don’t have a fever…”

    She frowns. “Is it internal? Are you bleeding? Please don’t die Kageyama-kun! I’ll call an ambulance—.”

    “N-no! It’s not that! I’m not dying!” He grabs her fingers roughly before she runs off.

    Hitoka is startled by the force of his grip, as her eyes flit to his downcast ones. Kageyama notices and loosens his grip on her fingers.

    “...Sorry.”

    Kageyama stands there even more awkward than before and Hitoka patiently waits for him to say something. She’s prepared for anything. She has her phone in her pocket to call 119. She knows where the first aid kit is and she recalls all the emergency procedures she has to take to insure his safety. Ennoshita’s class is closest too, so she can rush there if she isn’t sure what to do.

    She’s ready to go with anything he may hit her with.

    “My stomach feels weird.” He breathes and Hitoka’s eyes gleam.

    “Do you need stomach medicine? I can get you some—.”

    “No!” Kageyama pulls her closer before she can rush to her bag. “That’s not… That’s not what I mean.”

    Hitoka tilts her head. What else could your stomach feel strange from if it wasn’t pain?

    “It… it only feels weird when... “ Kageyama’s hand tighten on her fingers. “...when I’m near you.”

    Hitoka frowns. Did she give Kageyama some sort of disease? But she isn’t even sick. What if the other players got it too? Would Hitoka make them all sick?

    “Does it hurt?” She asks, “A-are you sure you don’t need some medicine?”

    Kageyama slowly shakes his head. “It doesn’t, it doesn’t hurt. It feels… n… naff… nifss...” and then with the smallest voice, “nice.”

    His head whips up to stare her right in the eyes, “It feels nice, Yachi-san. But I don’t… I don’t know _why_?” He sighs in frustration.

    “Am I sick? Will this affect my volleyball? But it only happens when I’m near _you_ and it doesn’t make sense.”

    Hitoka gets the tiniest inkling of understanding, just the smallest hint of an idea she quickly squashes because it’s too embarrassing. The rain cloud above Kageyama’s head disperses a bit after he says that.

    The only way Hitoka will ever figure this out, though, is to ask questions pertaining to the _ludicrous_ idea she has so she asks, “What else… happens when you’re near m...me?”

    Kageyama thinks for a moment, the cloud growing and shrinking with each second.

    “My heart speeds up,” He finally says, “exactly like when I’ve figured what play to do, except I’m not.”

    Hitoka feels a heartbeat in her ears and a warmth on her cheeks. “W...what else?”

     “It— it doesn’t always feel good,” He admits, not looking at her again and Hitoka is suspicious there’s a bit more pink on his cheeks than normal, “Like when you almost got hit with a volleyball before we played Seijoh. It felt like I made a mistake— not good.”

    “But when,” Kageyama grumbles a curse under his breath before continuing, “when you s… smile it makes me happy and hurt at the same time, and I just don’t— I don’t get it.”

    He finally looks at her with a question on his lips but stops and eyes her confusedly, “Yachi-san, your face is really red.”

     Some sort of realization dawns on him, shakes her shoulders. “Did I make you sick?! Do we need to go to the hospital?!”

    Hitoka knows exactly what he has. Probably. The symptoms are right out of a shoujo manga and it makes Hitoka’s throat constrict and her body heat up. If she tells Kageyama, she could risk losing everything they have. He’ll think that she’s too in love with herself, maybe she’ll have to face a tribunal, maybe hitmen will come to get her. But she needs to console Kageyama before he calls the police or even worse— their teammates. She hopes she can live a life alone if it means Kageyama doesn’t lose at volleyball.

    “K-Kageyama-kun, you’re not… you don’t h-have to worry, you’re not… you’re not sick.”

    Kageyama nearly shakes her shoulders again as he demands, “Then what’s happening?”

    “Y-you..,” This is so embarrassing. Kageyama is embarrassing. This isn’t how things work. This isn’t how someone…

    Hitoka can’t even bring herself to think in fear she’ll implode.

     She steels herself with a breath and waits for the staccato beating of her heart to steady. She tries to look him in the eye but it makes her go red from her head to her toes so instead she stares at his collar.

    “K-kageyama-kun, you…” Her voice isn’t cooperating. “Those t-hings happen to you because you… you might _like_ me.” Hitoka can only hope he heard her quiet whisper.

    When Kageyama doesn’t respond, Hitoka is forced to look up it at him.

    She’s never seen someone so confused in their life and Hitoka swears she’s going to die from embarrassment when he says, “But I’ve always liked you, Yachi-san, this didn’t happen before.”

    Hitoka doesn’t understand how Kageyama hasn’t heard her heartbeat. She can barely hear her own voice from how deafening it is.

    “You don’t… you don’t like m-me just as a f-friend Kageyama-kun,” she says quickly and even quicker as she sees the protest in his eyes she adds, “You like me more than a friend! Like as a g... _girlfriend_!”

    The grip on her shoulders disappears and Kageyama looks at her like she’d suddenly grown three heads. The cloud expands so it’s over both their heads. A few drops hit Hitoka’s nose.

    “I… _like_ you?”

    Hitoka nods vigorously and gives a wary look to the cloud over their head as it prickles her with more water. She hopes he doesn’t get mad or something and lose control of his magic. She forgot to bring extra clothes with her today.

    “That’s— I don’t—!”” He looks at his hands, then at her.

    He gapes like a fish for a moment, before attempting to talk again. His mouth doesn’t seem to cooperate with him.

    “It can’t be--” The hush of rain envelopes them, Hitoka squeaks from the cold.

    “I don’t l...!”

    The rain is gone as fast as it had come. Both she and Kageyama are dripping wet. His fists are white as he stares at the ground and again he repeats, “I like you?”

    They look at each other for a moment. His eyes search hers, as if they held the answers he was searching for. He reaches out to her. She sneezes. He stops; his fingers curl into his palm and fall limply at his side.

    “Yachi-san I… sorry.”

    He turns away and leaves the gym.

 

—

 

    Hitoka has half the mind to barricade herself in the public library and read series upon series of shoujo manga just to acquire some sort of maidenly knowledge about her current predicament.

    She's nose deep in her third volume of some series whose protagonist looks a bit like Kageyama but acts like some chivalrous playboy, when she comes to the realization that she's really only distracting herself.

    Hitoka has never really thought about boys. All her days have been spent doing household chores, studying, or attempting to track down her father. Sure, she's always dreaming about finding her soulmate and having a nice little family one day, but she's never given thought to dating and love at this age. Especially not with everything else on her plate.

    Therefore, according to everything that's going for her at the moment, she should reject him.

    But the thought of actually rejecting him has her insides squirming and her heart screaming.

    Kageyama... is a very sweet guy. He does have his flaws, like being too blunt, straightforward, and awkward at times. He's also sometimes unintentionally mean and just plain scary. However, if Hitoka were too look at his good points: determined, driven, athletic, honest, nice, adorable, _handsome_... she finds it harder and harder to stammer the red in her cheeks and the tightening of her throat.

    She's never thought about Kageyama as more of a friend before, but now that she’s had the time to actually sit down and think about it she sort of finds the idea... nice.

    Hitoka has always wanted to find her soulmate so maybe... maybe she'll give Kageyama the chance to be hers.

    She doesn't rush out of the library like the heroines in the manga she had spent the whole evening reading. She walks out slowly, steadily, trying to make out every small sound over the roar of her heartbeat to calm herself.

    The pit-pat of her shoes against the pavement.

    Kageyama's honest eyes.

    The tinkle of her keychain with every step she takes.

    Kageyama's determination.

    The rustling of the tree leaves.

    Kageyama's genuine smile.

    The hush of a light breeze gently blowing her skirt.

    Kageyama's heartfelt confession.

    Her heartbeat in her ears.

    Kageyama likes her.

    "Yachi-san!"

    Kageyama's voice.

    Hitoka blinks three times before she registers Kageyama heaving in front of her, hands on his knees as he sucks in oxygen like a starved man.

    She bristles as her heart speeds up both with the sudden appearance of Kageyama and worry for him since he's so out of breath. They're standing before an entrance to a park near his home and Hitoka knows there's a bench somewhere nearby. Wind curls above his head, condensing like a cloud about to form, but more like the beginning of a tiny tornado.

    Hitoka scans the park briefly. There are a few kids laughing and taking turns on the slide and another group watching a child float off the ground in awe, but other than that there’s a lone wooden bench unoccupied to the side.

    "Kageyama-kun, do you want to sit down—"

    "No."

    Kageyama catches his breath and straightens up. Hitoka hadn't thought about this before, but Kageyama is just so tall compared to her. Her knees start to wobble at the thought, but the determined expression on his face and the fire of his eyes leaves her no choice but to stand firm.

    "Yachi-san."

    Hitoka peeks at him from under her bangs, but feels too sheepish to look such an earnest face in the eye so she stares down at the pavement instead. The heat in her cheeks is enough to cook an omelette. "Yes?"

    "I don't... I've never liked someone before," he begins. She can spy his fists tightening out of the corner of her eye and the mini tornado enlarges, "and I didn't know what to do when I figured it out either so I'm sorry for running off."

    Hitoka blinks as Kageyama's head is suddenly in her view before she realizes he's bowing to her in apology. Her hands jerk randomly as she assures him there's nothing for him to apologize for and it's not his fault even if there was. The swirl of air is barely a spec after she says that. 

    Kageyama straightens up and Hitoka makes the mistake of meeting his eyes. She can't look away now in fear that Kageyama will think he did something wrong, so with great effort she keeps her gaze level with his. Her face feels like it’s having a competition with the sun with how hot it’s getting. The grass between them and the park grows and a flower blooms a little to her right.

    She reigns in her magic before she accidentally grows a tree straight through the playground.

    "I didn't know telling you would be the same thing as c... confessing," Kageyama admits, hands tightening on the strap of his bag and the mini tornado makes another cameo, "I just wanted to understand how I could feel good and bad at the same time from being near you. I didn't want a g... giff... a girlfriend."

    Hitoka is going to implode from the amount of blood rushing to her face, but she listens earnestly to Kageyama as he continues.

    "But... when I talked to Suga-san—."

    Hitoka's only thoughts are _Oh my god, Kageyama-kun, please don't tell me you told Sugawara-san. This is more embarrassing than my mom reading my diary!_  But Kageyama continues and confirms that he did, in fact, tell their senpai about this whole incident. Hitoka is beyond the point of petty embarrassment --she's in despair. She's never going to be able to live normally after this, is she? Her face is forever going to be as red as an oni's mask, and people are going to think she's some type of demon trying to eat their children.

_This is just too embarrassing!_

    More flowers sprout at their feet despite Hitoka’s great efforts to control herself.

    "—and I told him that I didn't want this. But he said... He asked me how I would feel if someone else would d-d... date you."

    Kageyama's face contorts as he scowls. It’s almost as scary as when he tries to force a smile, but even worse since he’s actually trying to look the part of an evil antagonist. The tornado is suddenly three times bigger and a cloud starts to form above his head large enough to shade them both again just like in the gym. Kageyama seems to notice this though, as it shrinks considerably.

    "That made me really mad. Like when Hinata's being a dumbass, but worse."

    Kageyama lets his hands fall to his sides and balls his hands into fists again.

    "So I went to ask Oikawa-san—."

 _How many people did you tell about this Kageyama-kun?!_ Hitoka mentally cries. She doesn’t really know Oikawa personally. She’s only ever seen him from the stands where she prays his serves don’t break any bones. She had no idea he was kind enough of a senpai, for Kageyama to go to him for love advice.

    But he doesn’t seem to appear very grateful. His face screams exasperation like no tomorrow. "—Because he has a lot of g... girlfriends. But he he just laughed at me and didn't tell me anything useful.”

    Her impression of Oikawa being a kind, caring, and knowledgable senpai and a worthy example for Kageyama is promptly thrown out the window.

    “So I asked Tanaka-san. Since he's really cool and he knows about this... stuff."

    Kageyama asked _Tanaka_? Hitoka doesn’t want to be rude or anything, but Tanaka doesn’t seem like the best person for advice. He seemed like the type to mend bones with glue and punch his other problems.

    "He told me to man up and figure out how I feel, because it's wrong to keep the other person waiting for so long. So I thought about it. About... dating."

    Hitoka can't believe that Tanaka was more helpful to Kageyama than sensible Sugawara and lofty Oikawa.

    "And..," For the first time in her life, Hitoka sees Kageyama blush. He's more red in the face than she is and it makes her feel a bit better. Knowing he's as just as embarrassed as she is. It's also a really, really cute look on him. She'll pretend she didn't think that though.

    "I think... It would be a... ok."

    Kageyama takes a very, very deep breathe and then, with the metaphorical strength of a thousand men, he bellows out, "WILL YOU GO OUT WITH ME?!"

    Hitoka, momentarily trying to forget the sudden attention of all ten children on them, nods in response.

    “Ew, the grown ups are being mushy!”

    “Yuck!”

    There’s a series of children who pretend to gag and Hitoka swears there’s steam coming out Kageyama’s ears. He whips his head in their direction, stormcloud brewing madly over his head and murder in both his eyes as he bellows, “Shut up, dumbasses!”

    One of the brave souls — or maybe Hitoka should say foolish —  yells back with the same ferocity, “You’re the dumbass!”

    Hitoka finds her first reason to laugh these last few days when Kageyama sends rain clouds after the screaming children running for cover..

    “Don’t laugh at me!”

    “I-I’m sorry, Kageyama-kun.” Hitoka smiles as the red in his face fades to a more flattering pink. “Thank you for defending me.”

    The red strikes again in an instant.

    “...You’re welcome.”

 

—

 

    Miracle of miracles, it isn't Tanaka who breaks the news to the team. Ennoshita walks up to Kageyama while Hitoka is busy helping out with spiking practice and says, "I heard you and Yachi are dating. Is it true?"

    The ball she was supposed to throw to one of the new first years tumbles out her hands and hits her straight in the face.

    Hinata whips his head to stare at Kageyama mid-jump and loses control of his magic as he ends up tangled in the net. Nishinoya leaps onto Kageyama, latching onto him with a crow of glee. Tanaka, who had traded some words with Ennoshita for stealing his thunder, erupts in uproarious laughter and thumps Kageyama on the back. Kinoshita whistles low and trades smiles with Narita. All the firsts year act like Kiyoko had come and smiled upon them. Some of them are even more happy about the news than Hitoka, congratulating Kageyama like he'd just won nationals.

    What sets Hitoka a bit on edge is her two best friends reactions.

    Tsukishima frowns, no, he _scowls_. It's even scarier than Kageyama's face when he'd told her what Suga has said. The temperature in the gym drops several degrees and Hitoka knows it can't be from any of the first years nor the spring weather.

    Yamaguchi... Yamaguchi looks _heartbroken_. Hitoka can't describe in any other way. His face is pale and his eyes are downcast. Hitoka almost believes he'll never glow again. She feels like she'd just kicked a puppy but she doesn't understand why Yamaguchi looks so... sad. She thought he would be happy for her and be the first one to congratulate her.

    "Kageyama, you lucky bastard!" Nishinoya crows, messing up Kageyama's hair fondly from his elevated position latched onto Kageyama, "How'd you do it?!"

     "The great Tanaka-senpai taught him everything he knows!" Tanaka roars, throwing an arm around Kageyama's shoulder somehow, "Swept Yacchan right off her feet!"

    Narita chuckles. "I don't think that's what happened."

    Kinoshita nods with his own little smirk. "Yeah, maybe all those years with Oikawa rubbed off on him. I find it hard to believe a baldie who's never had a girlfriend helped much."

    "Hey! Who said that?!"

    Ennoshita has his winning captain smile on. "This is a nice team bonding exercise."

    "Kageyama-senpai! Way to go!"

    "Yeah, Kageyama-senpai! Didn't know you had it in you!"

    "Teach me, Kageyama-senpai!"

    Kageyama somehow manages to look simultaneously lost and content with all the attention at the same time. He nods and says yes way too many times and everyone laughs.

    And yet.

    Even though she’s supposed to be grateful for how happy the team is for them, all Hitoka can see is the absolutely torn look on Yamaguchi's face. It has to be fate when Yamaguchi slowly glances to catch her stare. It's a long moment before he smiles at her and for once in her life, Hitoka preferred he frowned than hide behind a smile.

    The happy atmosphere all comes crashing down on their ears as Tsukishima laughs. It's in no way a happy gesture with how haughty it is.

    "Huh," Tsukishima says loudly, loud enough to grab the attention of the entire gym, "Looks like the king has a heart after all. What, did Yachi-san take pity on you after she heard your miserable tale of tyranny?"

    Tsukishima looks at her and his nose is upturned in her direction. "I thought you had better taste, Yachi-san. Looks like I was wrong."

    Tsukishima, in all the years that she's known him, has never been antagonistic towards her.

    A pin needle drop could be heard in the silence. Or, should Hitoka say, the calm before the storm?

    Dark grey clouds brew and crackle with the promise of rain at the top of the gym in seconds and all it takes is five long strides before Kageyama fists a hand in Tsukishima's jersey, anger raw on his face. Hitoka is caught in the crossfire. She’s still reeling from the look of shock on Yamaguchi face and she’s terrified as to what might happen next.

    "What did you say to Yachi-san, you bastard?"

    Hitoka shivers as the gym becomes impossibly colder and maybe it's Hitoka imagination, but she can almost swear she sees a snowflake dance between her eyes. This is bad. Very bad. Both Tsukishima and Kageyama can control natural elements that could wreak havoc if a fight broke out. Hitoka sends a terrified glance Ennoshita’s way and he nods at her, signalling the other second years with a hand.

    Tsukishima doesn't even back down. "The truth." And then he leans in, all up in Kageyama's face and sneers. "You're not the only one who can play with the weather, King."

    Even though Tanaka is rushing towards the two with the rest of the second years hot on his tail, it's Yamaguchi who raises the olive branch. Hitoka is even more terrified for him when he approaches the two forces of possible destruction ready to spark at any given moment.

    "It's ok, Tsukki," He says, hand on Tsukishima's sleeve with a cautious look towards Kageyama. In a whisper he adds, "I'm ok."

    Tsukishima gives Yamaguchi a long look before sighing. He shoves Kageyama's hand away and even though Kageyama is about to grab him again, Tanaka manages to seal his arms in a rock hard grip. Hitoka lets out a relieved sigh despite herself.

    "Tsukishima!" Tanaka growls, "What the hell is wrong with you—."

    "I'm sorry, Ennoshita-san, I think I caught the flu. Can I go to the nurse's office?" Tsukishima drawls out, striding out of the gym without bothering to wait for an answer.

    Kageyama manages to get out of Tanaka’s grip but isn't able to follow after Tsukishima before Ennoshita lies a strong hand on his shoulder.

    "Let it go, Kageyama, it isn't worth it."

    Hitoka's eyes had followed Tsukishima's back out of the gym and only she had seen Yamaguchi follow after him. She gives a quick look around the gym and sees that most of them are focused on Kageyama before she surreptitiously follows Yamaguchi and Tsukishima out the gym.

    She doesn’t see Tsukishima but she does spy Yamaguchi standing a ways away from the gym with a frustrated look on his face.

    “Yamaguchi-kun.”

    Yamaguchi snaps to her in surprise and his face immediately softens.

    “Yachi-san, I-I’m sorry. About Tsukki. He… didn’t mean that.”

    Yamaguchi lets out a nervous chuckles as he rubs the back of his neck, “You know how Kageyama’s always on his bad side. That doesn’t make it alright! That’s just... “ Yamaguchi’s eyes are distant. “That’s just how it is.”

    Yamaguchi hasn’t looked at her this entire time. It’s a long moment before he speaks it’s after the words slip out from between his lips does he actually look at her.

    “Congrats Yachi-san. I’m really… I’m really happy for you.”

    He doesn’t look very happy to Hitoka, despite the smile on his face. It’s too small, too dim, nothing like a real genuine Yamaguchi Tadashi smile. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.

    He immediately looks away and turns around. “I-I’m going to go check on Tsukki. I’ll see you later Yachi-san.”

    Hitoka reaches out to grab the hem of his shirt but it’s just out of reach.

 

—

 

    Kageyama twirls the marker in his fingers, his wrist watch catches the dappled light. “You better not lose control again Yachi-san.”

    “I-I won’t,” she tangles her fingers and looks at her sneakers, “you’re here.”

    A bird whistles on the tree above them, and Kageyama coughs into his hand. She sees the heat crawl up his neck. “Of c-course.”

    She smiles at him and drops her bag on the engawa. They were in the garden of Kageyama’s house. She felt the nostalgia pulling at her, when she looked through the open door to the living room. This was both her childhood home and a friend’s house. The white couch sat in her apartment home and was not, in fact, pushed against the wall of this living room.

    “Yachi-san I’m ready.”

    “Alright, I’m starting.” He nods at her, She centers a heavy leather-bound tome on her left arm, and flips through the pages. The musty smell of old parchment served to steady her nerves. The tome had belonged to her mother, back when she still worked at the guild. All of her mother’s spellwork had been removed prior and it was lying around unused, so Hitoka had decided against buying a new one.

    She settles on a page of earthquakes and its theory.

    “Kageyama-kun, I’ll try to focus an earthquake beneath your feet, with an area of effect of around two meters.” He crosses his arms. “Is that alright?”

    “Yeah.”

    Pulling a page from the back of the tome, she brings it to her forehead and says a hasty chant. Her magic evaporates off her skin and she begins to perspire. On the other side, Kageyama has a sheet of paper pinned between his fingers, sakura had gathered from the wind he called.

    This was perfect. Perfect practice, for the both of them.

    Despite Kageyama’s good control and strategy, he, ironically, needed more practice and experience. He was also the best person to help her with her control.

    The ground beneath Kageyama starts shaking, the water from the fish pond starts to splosh against the rim. Kageyama pockets his scratch piece of paper as he begins to float around five inches off the ground — the highest he could go.

    “More, Yachi-san. You’re too cautious.”

    She nods, and allows the magic to flow a bit more freely. The ground cracks and rises, and Kageyama lands a meter away from the epicenter. “Here. Direct it towards me.”

    She struggles with it for a bit, but the trembling still hasn’t moved.

    “Just lead the magic to me like _pwah!_ ” He deadpans as he  swipes his arm in the air like he just did an underhand serve. She doesn’t know what to make of it, but she tries whatever it is anyway.

    “ _Pwah?!_ ” She says and swings her hand like there’s no tomorrow, the paper in her hand escapes her grip and limply lands halfway towards Kageyama.

    “Ahh, I-I’m sorry.” Hitoka steps forward to take the parchment when the rumbling shifts towards her. Without the parchment to ground her, her the spell starts taking more than what it needs. The earthquake is out of her control.

    “Damn it, Yachi-san.” Kageyama shakily runs forward and tears the paper in half with a vengeance, and the quaking stops. “You have to keep your focus. This won’t be as instinctual as your element.”

    Sighing, she slides to ground and rests the tome on her lap.

    “I’m sorry.”

    He sighs, and takes out his own sheet of paper to tear it apart. “I know you know this, but the paper is supposed to help you with magic that doesn’t come naturally to you.”

    He helps her up and holds her tome while she brushes the dust off of her skirt.

    “Kageyama-kun, I just… I can’t feel it.”

    He scrutinizes her for a moment. “Do you want to go again?”

    “I don’t know what to work on.” She honestly feels hopeless. Ever since that time she lost control of that tracking spell, what little control she had had flew out the window. The pain still feels too real, too raw. She doesn’t want to tell Kageyama, but whenever she draws out her magic, she instantly remembers the disastrous spell. Maybe she won’t ever get to control her magic, and the Yachi name will forever be tarnished.

    “Let’s talk about it over lunch.”

    “Lunch?” Hitoka loses her train of thought at the image of Kageyama’s cooking.

    “Yeah, who knows how much magic you used.” He slips off his shoes and climbs in through the engawa. “Bring your shoes inside.”

    She nods and follows suit.

    “Kageyama-kun, w-will your family be joining us later?” She asks.

    There’s no reply and her stomach drops. _They’re not here._

    “No, they’ve been out on a business trip since yesterday.” Comes Kageyama’s faint answer. He was probably already in the kitchen, and if memory serves her right, it would just be across the hall from the living room. She slides the glass door closed and places her bag and tome on his pristine black couch.

    She pulls her sagging socks a bit higher, just to buy herself time to think.

    “Do you need help with that?”

    “No.”

    She goes to help him anyway.

    The kitchen wasn’t as foreign as she had expected it to be. Okay, the microwave was a metallic blue instead of white, and the kitchen table was smaller and sat four people instead of six, but it still had the happy atmosphere of a place frequently used.

    “I thought I told you I didn’t need help?” Kageyama says as he pulls out a bowl of marinated chicken from the fridge.

    “I… I want to.”

    They share a look.

    He places the bowl on the counter and lends her an apron. “The rice is over there.” He points towards the dispenser by the rice cooker before pulling out a chopping board and some lettuce.

    They cook lunch quietly, save for the crackle of the oil and the gentle tapping of the knife against the wood. Despite her insistence that she had done this a lot before, Kageyama wouldn’t let Hitoka cut the vegetables nor fry the chicken, so she was left to stir the miso soup.

_I miss this._

    “Cooking?” Kageyama pours some soy sauce over the stir-fry. ”I thought you cooked a lot at home?”

    Hitoka worries at her lip, she didn’t notice that she had said it out loud. She doesn’t really want to answer, because it might sour his mood. But he’s curious, she knows. Kageyama never pushes her to give him answer she doesn’t want to give, but the way he tries not to glare at her is telling. This will be the first time she’s talked about her father to someone from high school.

    “I...” Kageyama covers the pan and looks at her. “I used to watch my father cook in this kitchen.”

    It’s a faint memory, a whisper of one really, when she recalls the broad of her father’s back as he kneaded dough on the kitchen counter. She had forgotten what it tastes like, but his cookies always made her happier on rainy days.

    Kageyama cocks an eyebrow at her.

    “I-I never told you, but this used to be my house Kageyama-kun. I didn’t know you had moved here, before...”

    “Before you got lost?” He wipes his hands on a towel.

    “Yeah…”

    He turns away and leans on the kitchen counter. They both watch the smoke get sucked through the exhaust fan. Hitoka worried, if he would be irritated that she hadn’t told him sooner.

    “What was he like?”

    “Who?”

    “Your father.”

    She picks up the ladle and stirs though the soup. _What was he like?_ Years ago, when she was younger, Hitoka was sure she could have written a book series on how great her father was. But now, she’s not so sure anymore.

    “He was the greatest storyteller.” She turns off the fire beneath the pot. “And he made the best cookies.”

    Kageyama smiled at her, it was a relaxed and laid back sort of thing. Almost like the soft curve of a lazy wave on peaceful waters, like the ocean absent-mindedly lapping the shore.

    “That’s good.” He says, and he takes the last of the chicken and turns off the stove.

    “I… I’ll go set the table.”

    He points her towards the cutlery, and Hitoka takes a couple of seconds to gasp into her hands.

    She hands Kageyama two bowls for the miso before filling another two with rice.

    “Yachi-san, sit. I’ll take care of the rest.”

    She nods mutely and sets her apron on an empty seat. He follows shortly after, setting the chicken and the vegetables on the table, and getting a pitcher of iced tea from the fridge. He sits opposite from her, and after a quiet _thanks for the food_ , they start to eat.

    A few bites in, and Hitoka feels like she’s over the moon. Surely enough, by the time they finished lunch, Hitoka felt a bit better. She didn’t feel as drained as before.

    She offers to help him do the dishes, but he vehemently declines her offer. With nothing else to do, she she checks her phone for messages in the living room.

    Hinata had sent her a link to a video with a screaming gecko with the promise that it would be funny. Hitoka saves it for later. She deletes a couple of spam before seeing a text from Kenma.

    Palms a bit sweaty she opens it.

    The text is peppered with emoticons, at this point Hitoka is sure that the text was probably from one of Kenma’s friends. It was a response to one of her recent questions about tracking, it was honestly one of the more revealing questions as well. It was also something she should have asked earlier.

_Does your theory on tracking, apply to tracking living creatures?_

_Yes, but you need a lot more magic than the usual, uwu._

    “Hey, Yachi-san?”

    She jumps from her seat and almost drops her phone. “Y-yeah?”

    “Since you’re having trouble controlling magic, want to try controlling mine?”

    “You mean, like...” She gulps, “mixing our magic together?”

    He nods his head and sinks into the spot beside her. He upends the  pillow and it falls to the floor.

    “B-but, you know how bad my control is...” The mere thought of what could happen makes Hitoka shiver. “I can’t forgive myself if anything would happen to you.”

    Kageyama frowns. “Just do your best, I’ll handle it.”

    Hitoka doesn’t agree until after he assures her that at the they’ll stop at the slightest hint of nausea on his side. So Hitoka shakily takes another page from her tome and writes the symbol of her element — an inverted triangle with a line cutting off the tip —  and hands the paper to Kageyama. With a firm hand he draws a six pointed star with a line cutting off the upmost point.

    They share a look as he extends the paper back to her. She holds the other end but doesn’t pull. She can drown in his determination and confidence, but the way he holds her gaze, the way he demands her utmost focus keeps her in the room. It keeps her grounded.

    The tips of her fingers are heating up, so much that it probably burns, but Hitoka keeps her eyes on Kageyama. She doesn’t look away.

 

—

  
  
    The meshing of their magic hadn't been entire successful or entirely a failure either. Hitoka was able to feel a tighter tug than usual with Kageyama's help and immediately struck while the iron was hot. The very next day she'd taken a bullet train as the tug on her magic guided her to Saitama. She spends a good hour walking around after arriving at the train station, trying to feel out the strongest pull.  
  
    It's when she's in the outskirts of the city, following the sea line into a forest does she feel a hard yank on her magic.  
  
    She stops and studies her surroundings. She's at the mouth of a great wall of trees with a clear but swamp-like river bustling out the center. She's standing on the creek filled with pebbles and has a clear view of the water.  
  
    Hitoka had looked up selkies and their pelts. She's memorized hundreds of different patterns and a hundred more colors and she's reached a point in her imagery where she can lean on the surface of all her memories, tapping into everything with a light touch and zeroing in on what she needs.  
  
    Her magic leads her into the forest's looming entrance, following the river right into the deep dark secrets of the trees.  
  
    Hitoka doesn't even hesitate before stepping in.  
  
    Twigs snap under her shoes as she walks. She dodges wayward branches and casts a bug repellent spell to prevent any creepy crawlers from landing in her hair. The gentle lull of the river water moving upstream accompanies her deeper into the forest. The occasional animal rustles in the bushes here and there but nothing ever ventures near Hitoka. She's focused solely inward, concentrated one hundred percent on the thin feel of magic leading her.  
  
    She doesn't stop to think about how she reached this point of bravery toward the unknown, of overcoming her fear with the sheer desire to reach her end goal. She doesn't spare a thought to Karasuno; not Tsukishima, not Yamaguchi, not Kageyama. Not even all the dangers looming in the forest can scare her off into her usual spiral of doom.  
  
    She's too determined for that.  
  
    The magic gets stronger, signifying how close she is to the brink of salvation. Her heart hammers in her chest, images of papa floating on the surface of her well of memories.

    Will she finally find him today? Will today be the day she finds salvation for this four year quest? Will she finally be able to grasp some answers? Or will they slip through her fingers again just like Yamaguchi's t-shirt?  
  
    The only way Hitoka will find out is by pressing forward.  
  
    The dense thick barriers of tree that have surrounded Hitoka in this endless walk open up to a sort of grassy clearing. The river pours straight into a lake, it's surface glimmering in the sunlight. The trees encircling the water provide shade from the harsher rays, but it’s not that that has Hitoka squinting.  
  
    She could've sworn she'd seen something in the middle of the water.  
  
    Hitoka walks over to the edge. It's where the tug of the magic is the absolute strongest. She rests on her knees and leans on the rim, grass biting her palms. The water is clear and blue and Hitoka can see herself in its reflection. Her eyes are almost hungry in their desperation, not unlike how Hinata's get during critical match points.  
  
    The water is beautiful in its clarity and Hitoka can make out blurry shapes at the bottom of the lake. She leans in impossibly closer, gripping the edge as not to fall. Her eyes are slits, trying to discern the objects swimming about at the bottom of the lake. The object blurs together and become one big spot getting larger and larger and it isn't until a snout pokes out of the water and big blacks pupils stare at her that she realizes it had been swimming up to her.  
  
    Her heart hammers in her chest as the seal cocks its head at her, its eyes huge reflecting no emotion. The words are stuck in her throat and all she can do is stare at wonder at this seal. If it really is just a seal. Is it..? Could it be..?  
  
    The face of the seal contorts in a way that makes it look alien and impossible, and suddenly it's just like a blanket of grayish white over a human head. Hitoka can barely breathe as a pale human hand reaches out of the water to pull the pelt away.  
  
    "Yacchan? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in practice?"  
  
    Sugawara Koushi is not her father.  
  
    "I... I-I was..." The tears cascade down her face before she can explain and Hitoka touches her face in surprise.  
  
    Suga is immediately out of the water and at her her side. He rests hesitant hands on her shoulders but his voice is firm.  
  
    "Yacchan, What's wrong? Were you lost? Is that what's going on? I can take you back to the city, you're safe now."  
  
    Hitoka may be safe from from loss and danger and painful things but she'll never know if her father isn't. The sense of utter helplessness stings like a dagger twisting in her gut. Her hands try to catch the tears and Hitoka is well past the point of sobbing.

    When she cries during sad movies, it's merely a human reaction to empathy and a way for her to feel. She feels right after a good sob. Letting her feelings all out once in awhile is relieving, a break of sorts.  
  
    However, this gut wrenching, heart jerking bawl is draining. It sucks out all her energy and feelings and leaves nothing but in emotionless husk behind. It gets to the point where Hitoka is just unfeeling, unable to think or see or hear anything. She's just swimming in her inability to do anything but grieve.  
  
    Suga tries so hard to calm her down. He dries her tears with his sleeves, wraps her and what she can only assume is his pelt, whispers ‘it’s ok’ until she’s down to sniffles and holds her shoulders tight and firm to show that he’s there.  
  
    She’s spent by the time her eyes dry. The sun is still high in the sky and Suga still hasn’t let go of her. Hitoka finally finds her voice. Her very hoarse, very awkward nasally voice.  
  
    “I-I didn’t know you were a s-selkie, Suga-san.”  
  
    Suga does something strange with his face, as if contemplating enter he should give a disappointed frown or shy smile. In the end he chooses a nervous chuckle and looks a bit sheepish.  
  
    "It's not something I'm open about. It's a bit... dangerous for certain people to know you're a selkie these past few years."  
  
    The answer jolts Hitoka in a way. Her mother had told her that Ren's pelt had gotten stolen but she'd just assumed it was an ill twist of his personal fate. She hadn't thought they might have been a universal threat to selkies everywhere; that it was a danger to all selkies and not just hers.  
  
    Hitoka must know more about this.  
  
    "Suga-san, please tell me what you mean by that." Hitoka eyes him as desperately as she can. Which isn't much of a feat considering how desperate she is. All these empty leads and dead ends have taken too much of a toll on her. She isn't just desperate at this point; she's starved.  
  
    Suga again seems caught about how to react to this. Something about the look on her face must be throwing him off if he can't find the right words to say. He shakes his head and his eyes harden and soften at the same time like the dotting senpai he's always been.  
  
    "Yacchan, what are you doing here? Does your mom know you're out here?"  
  
    The mention of her mother throws her off badly. Hitoka has felt terrible at the amount of free time she's spent with just about everything besides her mother. The club, the search, the chores, her future, Kageyama; all of that had prevented her from spending any quality time with Madoka. It makes her feel even more awful than she already is (which had already passed the point of bad and has reached the ultimate stage of grief.)  
  
    But Hitoka can use this to her advantage.  
  
    "Suga-san," Hitoka takes a deep breathe. She feels like crying all over again. A real cry that actually lets out her feelings not amplifies them by a thousand. However, Hitoka is done with the waterworks today, "I'm... I'm looking for my papa. He was— is a selkie, just like you. He disappeared four years ago and I've been looking for him ever since. I've tried two hundred and thirty different magical herbs to both amplify my magic and help with tracking. I've tried three hundred and fifty seven different tracking spells. I've spent entire nights on full moons just searching for a lead. I've read every article, newsletter, research paper and forums on tracking. I've asked so many different people for help and they've all done their best to help me."  
  
    "But... even all that wasn't enough."  
  
    Hitoka pulls the pelt closer around her shoulders and finally lifts her head to Suga. He's watching and listening her intently and there's sympathy in his brown eyes.  
  
    Despite the hours of sobbing, Hitoka still finds it in her to sob some more.  
  
    "I d-don't know w-what else to d-do, Suga-san."  
  
    Suga lets her cry it out again. This doesn't last nearly as long as the first one (perhaps because the first one has lasted so long) and Hitoka really does feel like she's shriveled up.  
  
    It's a long time before Suga says anything.  
  
    "Yacchan."  
  
    Hitoka doesn't even have the energy to lift her head up and look at him.  
  
    "Twenty years ago, a group of very bad people started attacking us seafolk. Selkies and otherwise."  
  
    Hitoka doesn't know this. With a small effort and a slow movement, she's able to glimpse Suga's face out of the corner of her eye.  
  
    "There was a point where it got really, really bad and we started to hide our true selves." Suga’s smile is bitter when he says this. Hitoka almost feels bad to force him to say this, but she's also too enraptured to tell him to stop.  
  
    "That was... four years ago."  
  
    Hitoka's heart drops like a brick.  
  
    Suga spies her watching and gives her a soft, reassuring sort of smile, "Your father, his name was Yachi Ren, right?"  
  
    "You... you know him?" Hitoka asks in astonishment.  
  
    Suga nods, "I don't know him personally but he was the leader of a clan ours had good relations with. He vigorously tried to protect both selkies and the other seafolk from all these blood thirsty mercenaries. He was a really admirable man."  
  
    Hitoka's heart falls further into the abyss. Further and further and just keeps falling. Because one does not use the past tense of a verb in a subject as serious as this so lightly.  
  
    "But... one day, the mercenaries they... they attacked my clan." Suga rubs the area around his rib cage, "They took a few of us hostage and ordered us to surrender our pelts and submit to them."  
  
    "Your father was visiting us that day. He..," Suga smiles despite himself and the pain etched into his face, "He was really amazing. He managed to convince them to take his pelt in exchange for leaving us alone. He told them he was a leader of a large clan and if they had his pelt, they could control him and the clan through him. Even though I knew that wasn't true at all, even I almost started to believe it with the way he said it."  
  
    "So they agreed and he handed over his pelt. We were all shocked. A selkie's pelt is basically their life. He just handed his life over to those mercenaries like it was nothing. We tried so hard to stop him but he wouldn't listen."  
  
    Suga doesn't continue for a long, long time. Hitoka already knows how this ends, the silence screams the ending and the trees whisper it and the lull of the lake confirms it and Hitoka swears she knows.  
  
    Yet she still needs to hear it.  
  
    "What happened to him?" Hitoka asks.  
  
    Suga looks at her, gauges if she can take this and then speaks.  
  
    "We relocated our clan as soon as possible and we tried so hard to track down the mercenaries and get his pelt back but..."  
  
    Suga breathes out the ending and Hitoka inhales.  
  
    "We were too late.”

 

—

 

    The knowledge of her father's fate does everything it should not. It breathes life and hope back into her body. It provides her solace and grounding when Hitoka previously had none. It gives her direction and meaning and an ending to it all. There's no denying her sadness for her father's death. However, it had been a martyr's sacrifice; the heroic thing to do. Hitoka's heart couldn't well up with enough pride for Ren living out to be the hero she always knew he was even if she tried.

    Hitoka goes back to her worried mother that day satisfied. Madoka scolds her for being out so late and scolds her even more for her dirty clothes. When Hitoka delivers the news, however, her mother is as teary eyed as Hitoka and pulls her into an embrace.

    "W-well," She had sniffed, trying to sound tough, "At least my good for nothing husband did something right."

     "Mama, t-that's mean."

     They cuddle on the couch and watch reruns of old Korean dramas as they reminisce about all the nice and stupid things Ren had going for him in their house when he still lived here.

    Hitoka supplies all the nice memories while Madoka is the one with all the embarrassing ones. It's nice, domestic and just relieving to spend this quality time with her mother and speak freely about her father.

    When they set up the memorial family altar, Hitoka makes sure to thank her papa a million times every single day for doing so much for even when he's gone.

     Despite finally being able to achieve one of her greater goals in life, Hitoka finds it opening the path to so many different ones. She finds her afternoons free for more studying, more volleyball and more future decisions. She can be as studious as she wants to be, she can spend loads of time with both her friends and volleyball (and her friends from volleyball), and she can laugh so freely. The more time she spends with Yamaguchi, Hinata, Tsukishima and the people from her class, the more she comes to the conclusion that isolating and keeping everything to herself had been the wrong move.

    It’s probably after Yamaguchi offhandedly comments on her actions when she’d managed to convince Hinata and Kageyama go home and sleep instead of staying up for extra practice like the usually do with the words, “You’re so amazing, Yachi-san, how you can convince them the way you do. I always like how you can be so considerate and like, positive with them.” that Hitoka comes to an ultimatum.

     For when Yamaguchi describes her as positive, Hitoka is quite stunned.

    She’s always thought of herself as anything but positive. She thought she must be the most negative person in the world with all the disastrous mental tangents she can’t control. Her relationship with Kageyama had been severed both because she couldn’t stop herself from crying around him and she hadn’t been able to tell him why. Sure he’d been playing volleyball a lot and she’d been searching for her father and they hadn’t been spending time together; but Hitoka had ruined the time they did spend together with forced magical training, and her ending up in tears. Kageyama had decided that he didn’t want to see her crying all the time and despite Hitoka vehemently protesting that it wasn’t _him_ but _her_ , he’d already made up his mind.

    Most of the team hadn’t been happy with the breakup and a few of them were just apathetic, but Hitoka had been most surprised by Tsukishima’s reaction. He hadn’t said anything in front of the team like he had when they’d gotten together. But when they were alone one day making sure all their equipment was intact and accounted for for an upcoming training camp, he had said quite smirkingly, “I’m glad you’re back to your senses, Yachi-san.”

    He had clicked his tongue in disgust. “I didn’t give you up just so that stupid volleyball freak could snatch you. I hope you’ll make better choices in the future.” and then, almost menacingly, he adds, “It would be in your best interest.”

    Hitoka is left with the distinct feeling she’d gotten rejected in some roundabout way even though Tsukishima had been the one to indirectly say he’d once liked her.

    And Hitoka had thought Kageyama was dense.

    She’s digressing from the main subject.

    The point is, so much had been lost to Hitoka’s persistent, one-track negativeness.

    She had lost so many would-be friends with her inability to open up and she had nearly lost her current friends because of it too.

    She had lost her mother once because she couldn’t bring herself to speak with her and she had almost lost her future and sanity with all the secretive depression and anxiety she’d been building up. If she hadn’t actually found her father when she had, Hitoka fears what might have happened to her.

    However, she did find out what happened to her father and she is getting better and now she can focus solely on the present.

    There’s one thing pertaining to the past that she does want to do and it’s to tell the truth. She wants to tell the truth to someone important. Maybe not so much the truth but her story, to come clean with everything that had happened and everything she had done to get to this point in time.

    She had thought about telling Kageyama since he was the one she had hurt the most with how indirect she had been. But she still hadn’t repaired her relationship with him after the break up.

    She thought she might tell Hinata since she had lied to him but he had helped her so much and he seemed so happy about it and she didn’t want to ruin it.

    She did send Probably-Not-Kenma a message that she’d found what she had been looking for and was met with much congratulations and happy emoticons, but she didn’t know him enough to tell him everything.

    So, in the end, she calls her two very best friends in the world, the first friends she’s ever made, the ones who have given her so much happiness; Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. She calls them out to the park, takes a very deep breathe and tells them the story of her life.

     “Wow, Yachi-san, just… woah.” Yamaguchi sits down on a swing with a look of awe on his face. He quickly shakes his head and looks at her with concern.

    “I-I mean! I’m sorry — about your dad.” He stares at the ground. “It must have been really hard to do all that and then to find out… that your dad was…” He exchanges a glance with her and she nods in understanding.

    She’s a little surprised when Tsukishima clicks his tongue and says,“That’s all you wanted to tell us? I should’ve known better than to think it was going to actually be something important…”

    “Tsukki!” Yamaguchi reprimands, “That’s mean!”

    Hitoka chuckles a bit. “It’s ok, Yamaguchi-kun. I know what he means.” She’s known Tsukishima long enough to understand his roundabout way of showing emotion.

    Yamaguchi sends a half-hearted glare Tsukishima’s way before turning to her with a soft smile. “Congratulations, Yachi-san! On finding your dad! I’m happy for you! But...” Yamaguchi scratches his cheek. “I wish you would’ve told me before so I could’ve helped you.”

    Hitoka feels both appreciative for Yamaguchi’s words and a bit guilty for leaving him in the dark for so long, especially if his first impulse was to help her out after she’s already resolved her crisis. She wants to apologize for keeping him waiting so long but when she realizes her apology is more out of gratefulness than anything else, she changes her mind.

    “Thank you, Yamaguchi-kun.”  She smiles at him warmly and he smiles back with the same fervor.

    “Are the both you done with the sappy married couple routine or do I need to leave to give you space?” Tsukishima says rather flatly.

    Hitoka and Yamaguchi both go red and vehemently protest the accusation and Tsukishima waves them both off as he stands up and slips his headphones on.

    “I’m leaving before the vows start. See you later, Yamaguchi.”

    Yamaguchi and Hitoka are both left in an awkward silence with both their faces trying to one-up the other in redness. Hitoka dares a peek at Yamaguchi and finds him staring at her and then they both quickly look away, heartbeat racing.

    Maybe Hitoka will just leave it at that.

 

—

 

    Madoka’s soft and breathy laughter floats in the air and through Hitoka’s room door. Hitoka can’t help but smile at her mother’s disbelief. She drops her tome in her backpack and runs to check in on her.

    Yamaguchi’s at the doorway rubbing the back of his head, sheepish. His green hair was long enough that it was pulled back in a ponytail, but short enough that his hair stuck out at awkward angles.

    “Tadashi-kun is that you? I can’t believe you really have a ponytail! And look at you.” Madoka opens the door wider. “You’re so tall. ”

    “It’s nice to see you Auntie.”

    Yamaguchi catches Hitoka’s eye and waves at her. Madoka notices this and sends her own smile to Hitoka. Hitoka waves back and stands at her mom’s side. Butterflies timidly flutter in her stomach. Her mom had one of her rare days-off and she was going to have to spend it alone. Hitoka hadn’t told her mom yet.

    “It’s been so long,” Madoka says as she loops an arm on Hitoka’s shoulders “the both of you were so young when you first met. So small.”

    She beams at Yamaguchi. “Hitoka cried when she banged her head on yours.”

    “Mama.” Hitoka whines into her hands. _Why now?_

    Madoka laughs while Yamaguchi’s cheeks turn pink. “Oh hush Hitoka,” She playfully chides, “I’m just happy that you guys are still friends.”

    “I am too, Auntie.”

    Yamaguchi and her mom share a look. More like, Yamaguchi was a proposed layout being evaluated by Madoka.

    “Anyway, let’s not stand around the doorway.” Her fingers graze Hitoka’s hair as she heads for the kitchen. “Do you want anything, Tadashi-kun? I’m making coffee.”

    “Coffee is fine.”

    Madoka nods and waves her hand over shoulder before disappearing into the room at the end of the hall. Hitoka lays a pair of slippers on the floor for Yamaguchi, he thanks her and bends over to take off his sneakers.

     “You don’t have to go with me, Yamaguchi-kun.” It is summer break after all. She doesn’t want him to waste a day he could do for other things. More important things.

    He places his shoes in the corner and stands up. He waits for her to continue.

    “I-I mean you’re the captain now, and we have practice.” She twiddles her thumbs. “You don’t have to miss practice because of my problems.”

    “I said I won’t let you do things alone anymore, Yacchan.” He shucks off his sling bag. “Let me be there for you. Tsukki can handle it. It’s alright, I want to do this.”

    There’s a protest on Hitoka’s lips, but her mom calls out that the coffee is ready. The two head off to the kitchen and sit at the table.

    They chat about the old days. When Hitoka and Madoka still lived in the neighborhood, when Madoka still worked at a guild with Yamaguchi’s mom. Outside the beginnings of summer rain shimmers in the light of the early morning. The smoke from their coffee curls into ceiling, as warm as their shared laughter.

    Madoka settles her cup on the table, “So, Tadashi-kun where are you going with Hitoka?”

 _Bullseye_.

    Yamaguchi doesn’t answer and instead turns towards Hitoka. It has to be her. She stares at the wood of the table, to steel herself.

     “I… I asked Yamaguchi-kun to come with me.” She meets her mother’s eyes. “We’re going to papa’s grave.”

    Madoka’s face softens, the only way it does when it’s Ren. She somehow looks younger and older at the same time. Her shoulders sag, and Hitoka doesn’t know if it’s from fatigue or relief.

    Madoka runs her hands around the cup. “So it was today...”

    “Mama, come with us.”

    Madoka breathes out a nervous chuckle. “One day maybe, but not now. ”

    Madoka stands up and gathers the empty cups. Hitoka and Yamaguchi slip away to the hall and Hitoka takes her back pack. Yamaguchi’s bag is once again slung across his chest, his sneakers already on. Madoka meets them at the gekkan and she pulls Hitoka into a hug.

    “Stay strong, Hitoka.”

    “Yes, mama.”

    She let’s her go and to Yamaguchi she smirks. “Take care of her for me.”

    He nervously laughs, but nods anyway.

    “We’re leaving mama.”

    “Say hi to him for me.”

 

    “Wait, Yamaguchi-kun.” Hitoka says, as she pulls out her phone to re-check the location of her father’s grave. She had asked Suga to text her so that she wouldn’t forget, even if that was impossible.

     Yamaguchi stops in his tracks and swaps the plastic bag of food to his other hand.

    “I’m sure we’re getting on the right train, Yacchan.”

    “It’s the one heading to Morioka, right?”

    He checks the sign hanging overhead.

    “Yeah.”

    She checks it herself before stowing her phone back into her pockets. “Alright, let’s go.”

    The pair board the train and Yamaguchi insists that she take the window seat. She’s secretly relieved. She’s feeling really antsy at the thought of finally going to see her papa again, and looking at the passing scenery always helped to steady her nerves.

    It’s five minutes after they settled into their seats that the train lurches forward, a voice from the overhead speakers announces the train’s departure. Her fingers start to tingle and she finds herself reaching for the hand rest, but instead of cold leather she finds Yamaguchi’s hand instead.

    “I-I’m sorry, I should have looked fi—”

    “N-no it’s okay.” Hitoka peers up at Yamaguchi, he had coughed into his hands. “You… can use it if you want.”

    True enough, his hand was already curled up on his lap.

    “I… I was just a little nervous,” Hitoka says, pulling her backpack closer, the hand rest ignored.

    “Is it because it’s almost over?”

 _Over?_ Hitoka rolls the word on her tongue. This probably was the end. Like the final official end of her search. Her father’s grave was sort of the final destination. She still doesn’t have as clear an idea about the future, and for the first time, she doesn’t mind. Maybe. What does happen after this? Even her father never really talked about what happened after the happy ever afters of his stories.

    “Y-yeah? Maybe? I… didn’t really think about it.”

    Hitoka meets Yamaguchi’s eyes. “But, I’m sure that I don’t need to decide today.”

    The rain patters softly on the metal roof of the train, the hush of the other passenger envelopes them in some sort of shared cheer. She almost doesn’t hear Yamaguchi’s reply.

    “Tell me when you do.”

 

    Most of the ride is spent in silence, mostly because Hitoka slept through most of it.

    Having stayed awake all night in anticipation of the trip had left her sleepy. Especially when she found that her worries were quiet, for once. It was a dreamless sleep.

    Hitoka had woken up from her nap surprised that she been asleep in the first place. She drowsily looks up to a Yamaguchi slowly waking up. Heat crawls up her neck and to her ears. She had accidentally slept leaning on his shoulders, what if she drooled? She’s straight as an arrow in a moment and she pulls her handkerchief to wipe at her mouth.

    It’s blessedly dry.

    “Yacchan? You’re awake…” He yawns into his hand and looks around frantically. “Where are we? We haven’t missed our stop, right?”

    Hitoka takes this chance to peek outside their window. Rolling meadows and blue mountains peeking out from the horizon. They had long since left Miyagi behind, and were probably already in Iwate.

    “I… I’m not so sure.”

    Yamaguchi yawns into his hand again and stands up.

    “I’ll go ask the staff.”

    Apparently they were just one stop away. When they finally got off at Morioka, the sun hung high in the sky, no traces of the rain tens of kilometers from here. They still had another hour to Obuke station, and a 15 minute ride to the mountain itself. So near yet so far.

    When they got off at the Obuke station, Yamaguchi accidentally drops his bag. Hitoka almost jumps out of her skin at how loud it was. It sounded like a mecha crashed into the cement. He rubs his head sheepishly and admits that he had brought his collapsible staff (“We might get in trouble”). They stop over for some sandwiches and water before riding the bus to the base of the mountain.

    Hitoka starts to shake when the mountain becomes bigger. Yamaguchi pats her shoulder and helps her not fall on her face when they finally reach their stop. According to Suga’s text, the grave wasn’t as far up as the summit.

    “Yamaguchi-kun, we’re finally here!”

    “Yeah, we are.” He looks upwards towards where the summit roughly was.

    “L-let’s go.” She says and pushes on forward, she grips her bag straps like a lifeline. She feels tingly all over, not unlike when she uses magic… She reels her magic in with a smack to both of her cheeks. Yamaguchi laughs a bit behind her, “Don’t overdo it, Yacchan.”

    She simply nods back to him as he pulls out his collapsible staff.

    “I-I’ll be careful.”

    “This is a scene you don’t see everyday.”

    Hitoka turns to an old man, walking down from the mountain path. She walks back to Yamaguchi’s side.

    “Good afternoon.”

    “What’s a young couple like you guys doing in a mountain. I hope you’re not planning anything reckless.”

    Blood rushes to her face, and she feels hot in a way that wasn’t relevant to summer heat.

    “It’s nothing like that!” Yamaguchi says as he shakes his hand as if to shake off the mere thought of whatever it was.

    “Sure it isn’t.”  The old man chuckles.

    “W-we’re looking for the ocean graves.”

    The old man blinks at them and adjusts the cap on his head before chuckling. “Ah those darn things. I didn’t peg you young ones as adventurous. You’re not going to find those graves, whatever they are.”

    He starts walking away from them. “I don’t know why those skins want to bury their dead up these mountains. Good luck anyway.”

    “T… thank you,” Yamaguchi says at his retreating back.

    The old man waves his hand dismissively over his shoulder. It’s only when he’s out of earshot that Yamaguchi turns to Hitoka, assuring her that they’ll find the grave. But Hitoka wasn’t affected, Suga-san had told her, and she understood, that selkies’ were a secretive race. No one knew much about their culture and anything really.

    “I’m okay, Yamaguchi-kun.” For the first time in forever, Hitoka was sure of something. She could feel it in the hum beneath her feet. The subtle hum of the magic seeping into the earth.

    “We’ll find it.”

    “We will.” Yamaguchi agrees. They share a smile before they start their trek up the mountain.

    They don’t follow the trail for long. About ten minutes in Hitoka casts a shielding spell on their shoes, in respect for the policies of the mountain, and they deflect from the trail and trek deeper into the forest. They walk silently, save for the cicadas and the crunch of leaves and twigs underfoot.

    In the peace of the forest she finds her thoughts wandering to her father’s death. She can’t seem to reconcile everything about it. She’s happy that he’s every bit of a hero that she always knew he was, but a part of her wonders what it would’ve been like if he was alive somewhere instead.

    “Yacchan, you doing alright?”

    “Yeah. It's just a bit farther, I can feel it.” She’s spent two years of her life tracking. But now that the stream of magic, a kind of magic that ebbs and flows like the ocean, runs deep beneath the Earth, Hitoka knows where to go without having to actively track. It felt rejuvenating.

    “Yacchan, you’re going too fast. Wait for me!”

    “Over here, Yamaguchi-kun.”

    She leads them towards a pocket of trees ivy crawled over the trunks, where some rowan and blackberries encircles the trees like some protective barrier. Which it is.

    Hitoka stops to observe the handiwork. Rowan, blackberries, and ivy — the ideal flora for protection.

    Yamaguchi catches up with Hitoka, he had used his staff as a crutch as he caught his breath. She must have been fast. She lets him catch his breath before explaining their find.

    “Yamaguchi-kun, this is it.” She points at the boundary. “Those plants couldn’t have grown naturally, this is the handiwork of someone hiding something.”

    “Does that mean we can’t enter? I hope we don’t have to destroy it.”

    “No, we don’t. Intent might be enough.”

    Yamaguchi steps forward and pushes her behind him, he holds the staff in front of him protectively. Light oozes from the tips. “I’ll go first, just to be safe.”

    He notices her worried look at the focused light. “Don’t worry, it’s not hot enough to burn anything”

    She nods and they enter the pocket.

    Hitoka doesn’t use her magic to manipulate the flora, she allows the thorns to scrape against her skin. They slowly maneuver through the silent thicket, their sole light was Yamaguchi’s staff.

    Hitoka’s hair stood on end. No light entered through the canopy, no sound passed through the leaves. Water soaked through her socks, but no sound came of their wading through the water. It must have only been a few short minutes, but it stretched on like forever.

    Her and Yamaguchi, wading through invisible water and the dark thicket of ivy, rowan, and blackberries. She thinks of her papa, and wonders if this is what death feels like, and soon enough light breaks and she spots a patch of marigold just in front of her. She hears a creek gurgling in the distance.

    The light blinds them, and Yamaguchi pulls Hitoka close.

    She opens her eyes and they’re in a clearing. A dense canopy of leaves covered the sky, and what light entered reflected off large crystal-like stones on the ground. Willows dotted the treelines as wildflowers tangled along the edges of the trees with rosemaries and thistle plants. The wind blows and it sounds like a hundred windchimes, like water against rocks, like the hush of a waterfall.

    The magic ripples around her and she knows they’ve found it. The ocean grave. Her father.

    “Yamaguchi-kun, can you feel that?”

    “Yeah…” He wanders off ahead of her and towards the blue rocks. She unconsciously follows him as they walk between them.

    On closer inspection, the rocks bore inscriptions, names of the ones they memorialized. There were various bouquet’s at the bases of the rocks.

    Hitoka finds herself smiling at one with little seashells by the base.

    So this was where the selkie laid their loved ones to rest. In a little pocket of trees as reminiscent of the ocean as it was of the peace of the mountain.

    She breaths it all in.

    “Yacchan.”

    Hitoka turns towards Yamaguchi’s voice. He was standing over one of the stones, it was close to a pool of clear water. Water hyacinths crawled amidst the rim, and lotus’ peppered the pool.

_Papa._

    She ambles over, not quite sure if the shaking of her hands was out of nervousness.

    He moves aside for her so that she could see the inscription.

_Yachi Ren._

    Asides from that there was nothing, it was barren.

_Us selkies, we believe only the family of the passed can reach them._

    Her heart skips a beat.

_So thank him for me._

    Suga… Suga had told her that after he gave her the address. She kneels down and runs her fingers on the inscription.

    “I… I’ll leave you to it.” Yamaguchi whispers and he leaves her to herself.

    Hitoka takes a deep breathe.

    “Hi, papa. I’ve finally found you. I never stopped looking for you even after you left. Mama didn’t as well. I hope you don’t mind if Mama stopped first. We never forgot you. I-in fact, I miss your cookies so much that I’ve tried to recreate them. I probably should’ve brought you some, but I could never make them as good as yours.”

    “A-and you were right, papa. There are friends who stay. Yamaguchi-kun, do you remember him? He’s here with me right now. He stayed. I... I wish I had more faith in what you told me before.”

    “I haven’t found my soulmate either, if that’s what you’re wondering.” She laughs a bit at that. “But I hope I love them as much as I do you. Oh and… I still don’t know what I want to do in the future, but I’m sure I can tell you next time.”

    She wipes at her eyes. She didn’t know she could still cry.

    “I’ll be sure to bring mama next time I come here. I… I wasn’t able to say goodbye, so...” She balls her fist on her knees.

    “Thank you, papa.”

    She rubs her eyes dry and slaps her cheeks. Her hand fumbles as she zips open her backpack to get her tome. There’s no grip in her fingers when she pulls it out and sets in on her lap.

    “Y-yamaguchi-kun?” Hitoka calls out.

    “Yeah?” Yamaguchi goes to her side and sits beside her, laying his staff on the ground.

    “C-can you… help me.”

    He nods.

    “I n-need you to ground me.” She says and holds out the paper towards Yamaguchi. He takes it without question and scribbles a triangle. He holds out the sheet towards her and she takes the end. He takes her other hand, and they meet each other’s eyes.

    “I… I’m s-starting.”

    They breathe together and they let the magic flow. It’s timid and slow. It almost feels like stardust in the way the it tumbles across her skin. His magic seeps into her veins, warm and reassuring, and she relaxes. She feels in control enough to open her eyes.

    Yamaguchi is covered in a soft light.  His soft light. It bounces off the gravestones sending shades and tints of blue dancing into the air. The flora gently waves at the passing breeze.

    Hitoka directs the flow towards the ground in front of her father’s stone, and peonies sprout from the ground. White and delicate.

    The magic fades, and Yamaguchi opens his eyes. He holds her steady as she stands on her shaky knees.

    He smiles at the peonies.

    She’s aware of the callouses on his palms, the feel of his fingers tangled in hers. She’s sure the beating she feels in her fingertips aren’t only hers. Hitoka pulls away, but he holds her fast.

    “C-can we stay like this for a little longer?” He’s glowing pink, but he isn’t looking away.

    So she doesn’t.

    It might be because of the warmth from his magic, maybe the tingle on her skin as it ebbs away. Maybe it’s the way his freckles seems to glow like the lanterns from her childhood —  like stardust, like angel’s kisses. But Hitoka doesn’t want to pull away. She doesn’t want to let go. She never wants to let this moment slip between her fingers.

    She’ll hold on no matter what.

 

**Author's Note:**

> bittersweetoranges: Thank you for reading this far. It's been quite a journey for me and Haruhi02 (Senpai.), and I hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed making it. (I didn't cry, senpai.)  
> Haruhi02: What kouhai said. (You totally did)
> 
> EDIT: bittersweetoranges here, so I had actually made some (admittedly shoddy) art for this fic while making it, so I hope you'd check it out, it's on my tumblr btw --> [link](http://bittersweetoranges.tumblr.com/post/151824476171/i-drew-some-stuff-when-i-hit-a-wall-while)


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